27 Things My Saturn Return Taught Me About Dating and Relationships

The Great Battle of Myself and What They Forget to Tell Us About Saturn Returns

They say your Saturn returns when you turn 27. For the most part, that felt true. But they forget to mention the return feels more like an electric shock. A million bolts to the body, jolting you awake. When all you want to do is sleep. Suddenly, the funny thing adults say about time is true and you realize you too are an adult. The only person who decides what life looks like.

I realized life can be anything I want. No rules. A blank playbook looking for direction. The epiphany sounds idyllic, like frolicking through a field of flowers. But turning 27 is realizing it is not.

Reaching that Kacey Musgraves’ Deeper Well music video level of Saturn Returning comes with a price. It will cost you a moment of your sanity and everything you believe to be true. But bet on the lottery long enough and you might find a field of flowers growing under your feet.

The most ironic part is we don’t have to go anywhere to find it. We make the flower beds. And 27 is when we start digging. So, that’s what I did. I picked up a damn shovel and started working through my roots.

What parts of me were asking to be composted? Not tossed away, but refurbished. Because sadly, we can’t kill parts of ourselves, even the weeds we wish didn’t exist. Instead, we can find the best way to tend to them with compassion. Live with the cloudier times, knowing sunnier days are worth waiting for. Then keep digging.

I met parts of myself that I buried, or society buried, for me. I found out the girl I’ve been so busy trying to grow up from is the one who holds all the answers. *eye roll* All I have to do is untangle my roots and bring her back to life. News flash, Saturn Return isn’t about becoming someone new. It’s returning to the girl I once knew and reintroducing her to the life I’ve made for myself now. The dreams I brushed aside to follow the status quo and interests that fueled my soul that got lost in the shadows of what I thought I had to like; all found their way back to me in a tangled mess.

The great return was asking me to wake up, reintroduce myself to myself, and start untangling. Replant the roots that made me, well, me. The moment I accepted this inevitable fate, I felt free, followed by fear, uncertainty, and the hardest obstacle I’ve ever faced. Not one caused by anyone or anything but me.

27 is the greatest battle of ourselves. We come face to face with our past, and present, and stare directly at the future ahead. Is it everything I always hoped for? Am I showing up in life as the best version of me?

Unfortunately, no one else is on the battlefield but ourselves. Well, maybe our therapist makes an occasional appearance. But it’s one of the biggest battles of life we must fight alone. It’s an open field filled with time bombs we defuse or hold on for dear life while they implode around us. Controlled burns that fertilize the ground we’re digging in.

And at 28, I’m still digging. I can feel the flowers blooming under me. My roots, new and old, are taking hold. Each brings new life to my career, relationships, and myself. I feed them with the lessons I’ve learned and continue to learn. I water them with unprompted tears of release and the water I need to drink more of… If you need me, I’ll be chugging water for another year. My tarot reader claimed my Saturn Return doesn’t make its full turn until 29. So, stick around for the final 180.

Til then, here are 27 things my Saturn Return has taught me. The seeds to my Kacey Musgraves’ Deeper Well fields.

The only role you need to play is yourself.
You’ll never regret sharing your feelings.
Vulnerability is a superpower.
Use the word “maybe” less when making plans or dates.
It’s okay to want a relationship. It doesn’t make you less independent.
Dependency is a sign of a healthy relationship.
Timelines are a social construct. We all hit different milestones at different times.
Relationships are not a one size fits all.
Another person’s beauty (inside or out) doesn’t take away from my own.
The secret to happiness is patience. It’s the greatest gift you can give yourself.
If you have something nice to say, say it.
Talk to people in elevators or at the café table next to you. Make conversations with strangers.
Cherish the supporting characters in your life. Your dry cleaner, shoe guy, bodega owner, barista, frame guy, doorman, etc. They are your community!
Seek and foster cross-generational friendships. All generations bring fresh perspectives and growth.
Write and mail more letters.
Walk around the city without headphones on.
Explore solo. We notice different, smaller details about the world when we observe it alone.
Our friends’ relationships don’t need to look like our own. If their needs are being met, that’s all that matters.
First impressions aren’t everything. Give people time to show themselves.
Yes, you should go outside and sit in the sun.
A career is not always linear. Take the opportunity to practice different skills when it presents itself.
Pressure only slows down the process. Don’t hold on so tight that you forget to let life breathe.
Finding a healthy relationship doesn’t mean the work is done. It’s only the beginning of knowing oneself.
Self-worth has no contingencies.
Keep reintroducing things from your childhood that gave you happiness.
Look people in the eyes more. Let people see you.
Dating is a privilege. Not everyone gets the opportunity to connect in diverse ways. It doesn’t last forever. Enjoy the journey.