Never Been in a Relationship? How to Date as a Late Bloomer
Dating Positives of Being a Late Bloomer & How to Shift Perspectives
Late bloomers get a bad rap. Whether we were one in our past life, aka our teens, or we’re still battling the stereotype in our 20s, being “late” to life milestones feels like the end of the world.
Somehow, the blame falls back on us. Were we not cool enough to get our first kiss in high school? Did we miss the sexual awakening in college? Is there something wrong with us for not having a boyfriend or girlfriend yet… and we’re reaching our late 20s?!
The simple answer is no. We didn’t miss any milestones because the limit does not exist. Well, they do in an unfair social world, but in our world, there’s no specific age we HAVE to have our first kiss, lose our virginity, or have our first relationship. We can have these experiences whenever we’re ready or when the opportunity presents itself. And sometimes that moment doesn’t come until later than others.
I’m a certified late bloomer. I didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17, I lost my virginity at 21, and didn’t have my first boyfriend until I was 27. Well, unless you count my 6th-grade relationship that lasted a week. After him, I had zero boyfriend action for the next 15 years of my life.
Don’t get me wrong. I had my fair share of dating, situationships, and one-night-stands in my twenties. I wrote an entire book about it! But I never could shake that lingering feeling that I was behind. It took writing my memoir and experiencing losing my virginity to realize I was right on time.
The truth is, being a late bloomer doesn’t make us any less qualified to build a healthy relationship. Late blooming makes us more prepared for these life milestones. We’ve observed our friends’ experiences, faced trial and error, reflected on our needs, and now we know what we want… and don’t.
Late blooms bring fresher flowers. Late bloomers are self-aware and in tune with what we deserve. We’ve waited long enough to not settle for anything less than great. Sure, we didn’t lose our virginity before the age of 20, but we got to lose it to someone with zero immature attachments. We either got it done in a consensual one night stand or found someone we trusted to deflower our late bloom.
We got a heads-up from our observations and knew exactly what we didn’t want. So, we waited for something better. Rightly so! But the hard thing now in our late bloomer life is we’re 20-something without an honest relationship under our belt.
We’ve never been in a relationship and it low-key stings. But it doesn’t make us any less worthy to have one. So, what do we do when someone questions our late bloomer lifestyle, or worse, we question it ourselves?
We change our perspective and remember our purpose when someone or something tries to bring us down. There are a lot of pros to being a late bloomer and never being in a relationship. We just have to take a minute to appreciate our situation.
Never being in a relationship can show strength and resilience in not settling for relationships that aren’t good for us.
We are intuitive and not afraid to advocate for the relationships and experiences that we want. We won’t stay in a situationship or relationship for the sake of being in one.
We can stay more present in new experiences and make choices that align with us. AKA losing our virginity when we feel completely ready and in control of our body.
We’re given the gift of time for personal growth and attention. We get to explore our happiness and interests without distraction.
We have more time to understand our needs and wants to make us more aligned with what type of relationship and future we want.
We can become more grounded in who we are to allow us to show up in relationships with strength and security.
Never having a relationship is not a romantic death sentence. We are all on our timeline. We can hit milestones when we’re ready or choose not to at all. Just because we are “late” to the relationship party doesn’t mean we can’t find and create something beautiful when that time comes!
