How Dry Spells Can Improve Your Sex Life

How to Survive Sexual Dry Spells and Create a New Perspective on Sexuality

Feeling antsy? Wishing you had a delicate fan like Violet Bridgerton to soothe the non-menopausal hot flashes? Are you wondering if your barista’s smile means more than “have a good day”? Welcome to the frustrating and tempting side of a sexual dry spell. A challenging, yet exhilarating time. Where we long for touch while knowing our gardens will be drenched with sunlight and rejuvenating showers soon.  

Sexual dry spells come to us both intentionally and unexpectedly. An extended period, weeks, months, or years, we endure without sex. We intentionally sustain as we heal from heartbreak or focus on the personal connection with our minds and bodies. Or unexpectedly struggle to find a sufficient gardener, while we remain sexually active. No matter the cause, there comes a point where our libidos reconnect with our needs and the nude painting turns us on in the solemn halls of a museum. This tipping point of desire is overwhelmingly frustrating and exhilarating. It viciously knocks on our door, reminding us to listen to our bodies.

This realization, though an annoyance, is an opportunity to acknowledge the work we’ve done on ourselves and tune into our blossoming needs. Whatever the reasoning for the sexual dry spell, know the urge for touch is our body's way of saying we are ready to put ourselves out there again.

Sex dry spells are notoriously known to have a negative connotation. Yet, there’s an opportunity to switch the narrative to manifest a more vibrant garden than we had before. The weeds have been removed, leaving a clear path for new flowers to be fertilized. One’s that represents the new desires we now know we are deserving of. Our fresh beds are free for exploration.

The tantalizing vision of anyone remotely attractive doesn’t help us challenge the status quo. But we can channel this energy to find gardeners with spurting fertilizers and avoid the ones who only bring more weeds. The dry spell is an intuitive time when we reconnect with ourselves and learn lessons of the past. It’s easy to feel judged or sexually inadequate as the other people in our lives remain sexually active. But sex comes in seasons. Instead of seeing where you’re not, look through the garden window at what’s coming.

Intimacy will find you again, and this time you’ll be prepared to make this new sex life chapter worth waiting for. After accepting a dry spell that was deliberate or accidental, the challenge of shifting our perspective begins. Thus, bringing light to the situation and creating positive energy to attract a new sexual partner. 

We must see the goal as raising our frequency and cultivating positive energy. This means not seeing our dry spell as a burden, but as an opportunity to connect with someone new. Intimate connections are important to learn relationships and personal lessons found within our bodies. Instead of seeing the lack, use the libido energy to open yourself up to the possibility of meeting someone new. A partner who satisfies your needs better than your last. 

Know it is okay and very normal to want sex. Not only accepting but embracing your sexual desires is empowering. There is power in understanding our sexuality and knowing what we want. The challenging part is not being afraid to admit it. Put your thoughts down on paper or confide in a friend. Allow yourself the opportunity to relinquish your desires and understand what you’re looking for in your new sex life. Stronger sexual connections, toy exploration, or new sexual roles? You’re entitled to explore them all. Safely and confidently.

Unfortunately, we sometimes fall into the trap of comparing our sex lives to other people in our lives or on social media. Don’t feel ashamed for internally judging yourself for the lack of sex. It’s normal to be bogged down by external factors. Yet, we can challenge the judgments we put on ourselves by remembering that everyone goes through dry spells. Despite marital or relationship status, sexual dry spells happen to everyone. Though no one wants one, there is a reason for them all.   

You can channel the frustration and struggles of a dry spell through self-exploration. Yes, masturbation. The crucial aid to keeping our gardens blooming through the arid weather. Whether you prefer vibrators, handwork, or the stream of your tap, making your body reach a pinnacle alone opens the door to a multitude of benefits. You’ll learn what feels good, so you can tell your new gardener how to plant new flowers. Your energy will rise to a higher frequency, feeding your inner confidence. If you don’t know where to start, try our favorite, go-to vibrator from Maude. Self-exploration will cultivate an inner glow that new, worthy partners will be attracted to. 

The empowering energy we find from connecting with our bodies and minds will manifest in our search for a partner. Dry spells are a sign that we’re ready to put ourselves out there again. We can have different goals—monogamous relationships, sexually open relationships, or one-night stands. With self-awareness, it’s time to introduce the newfound energy to the outside world. Allow your healed and rejuvenated self to be seen. Knowing what you know now, don’t let the old negative narratives of a dry spell push you to settle for less than you deserve. Channel the power found within the dry spell and let your positive thoughts and desires lead you to your new gardener.