Social Media Comparison is the Thief of Relationship Joy. How to Stop Comparing to TikTok Trends
The Latest Toxic TikTok Trend on Relationship Timelines. Steps to Stop Comparing Relationships on Social Media
📷: Wesley Balten
One minute you’re innocently scrolling through TikTok, the other you’re spiraling down a rabbit hole of unnecessary anxiety. What was meant to be mindless 5 minutes of entertainment away from your daily challenges has suddenly become a breeding ground of life comparison. But it is not just any life comparison, it’s a relationship comparison.
Social media couples have long reigned over the algorithms, and it’s not the first time their unsolicited relationship recaps have seeped into the minds of the anxious attachments. While people have a right to share what they please to their feeds, the birth of TikTok has brought a daggered twist to the narrative. There’s one-sided “advice” on relationships from uncertified influencers, hot takes from bros, rants from upset singletons, and the worst, toxic trends that ooze into our feeds the most.
The hot takes, and unnecessary advice may be easier to swipe past if we’re strong enough to fight their toxic pull of quick “answers” to our relationship problems. But the biggest danger lies within the trends that dominate our feeds as more users hop on the opportunity to share their relationship topsoil.
The TikTok trends come quickly, consuming our positive thoughts. And singletons aren’t the only ones targeted. Those in relationships feel the pressure to compare. No one is immune to its gravitational pull. It’s the way our modern social media lives operate. Relationships and dating just seem to have gotten the brunt of social media’s negative after-effects.
TikTok is one of the key challenges I hear within our community and among daters. Sitting slyly next to its cousin dating apps, TikTok has made dating, even maintaining healthy relationships, borderline impossible. It’s dehumanized the experience. Thus, discrediting everyone’s individual timeline and personal needs. Social media has made relationships and dating a one-size-fits-all. And it’s simply not the case, nor will it ever be. Just take a moment to think about the different relationships in your life and those of your loved ones. Do any of them look visually the same? Have each followed the same path to trust, love, and connection?
The trend that got me so hot again for this topic was the “casual things my bf and I did before dating” smoothly partnered with the Chappell Roan song Casual. A misleading carousel photo intro that swipes into a list of things the couple did that aren’t so casual. Such as moving into together after four months of dating, committing after the first or second date, or getting a joint dog in the Q1 of their relationship. This is not an attempt to undermine these couples’ decisions. It’s actually an example of how everyone makes different relationship timelines. The problem with this TikTok trend is the excessive examples of these not-so-causal relationship choices. With each couple trying to up another’s noncausal relationship behavior, it begins to feel normal to develop a relationship that way. Those in new relationships devalue their own current timeline and relationship process, and singles question their expectations for what the early stages of dating should look like.
Yet, the fact of the matter is, that these quick carousel videos are only a snapchat of one couple’s reality. They are surface level and only touch the obvious facts of their relationship. We don’t know how their needs, values, and goals align, their communication styles, or the relationship challenges they’ve faced to become committed. While watching these videos, these reality checks don’t come top of mind. We’re sucked into their reality and question our own in a split second. Because if our relationship or dating expectations aren’t theirs, then what makes ours valid?
Well, it works like how we’re enough as a person simply because we are alive. Our relationships and dating lives are valid simply because we’re experiencing them. Our success, challenges, and needs all have meaning because they are ours. They don’t need to look like someone else’s to lead us to our happily ever after.
Each relationship develops differently because we all bring our own needs, goals, triggers, and values to the table. This TikTok snapshot of their relationship reality is not our own. Our reality is outside of the screen. Look up and go for a walk in it. Sounds lovely, but there’s no quick solution for it and a walk in nature isn’t a permanent fix. We need an action plan. One that will help us stop comparing our relationships to others on social media and focus on our personal dating timelines.
It takes practice and consistency, but here are a few steps to stop comparing yourself to people on social media.
Finger-control. The moment you start to feel triggered by a video or trend, scroll past it. Don’t interact or engage. The algorithm will think you like it and show you more.
Unfollow, mute, and block the accounts that continue to cause negative thoughts. It’s your thread. Make it the most positive mindless 5 minutes you can.
In a relationship? Talk to your partner about the triggers or consistent thoughts that come up from these trends. Communicate in your reality!
Refocus on your timeline. Reflect or journal about your relationship values or goals. Is this something you want? Can you visualize that timeline for yourself? If not, it has nothing to do with you.
Share your comparison fears and challenges. Not on social media, but with your closest friends, therapist, or coach. Many of us experience comparison anxiety. Find a community that allows you to be heard.
Comparison is the thief of joy. As many self-help books and psychologists continue to tell us. But it’s hard to get a hold of it and actively continue to move your thoughts away from the slippery comparison slope. If relationship and dating comparison is something that you struggle with, try reading our “The Spark” vs. Slow Burn column. There’s something beautiful about taking our time to get to know someone. We can build strong foundations and enjoy the journey of life, connection, and growth. Trust the process… but most importantly, trust your gut.
Let me know your thoughts on TikTok trends and comparisons in the comments thread below. <3
