How to Start Meeting Singles Without Dating Apps

Two Ways to Practice Intentionally Meeting People IRL and Overcoming Fear of Rejection

📷: @stevie_jadee

We’re amid a dating app boycott. From apps’ marketing fumbles to exhausting swiping, the dating world is reverting to its original ways. Well, at least attempting to. Meeting people in real life isn’t a novel concept. But after being trained by the algorithm, our social abilities struggle to reboot. But despite the social stunt, the noise of meeting people outside of dating apps echoes across the dating pool. 

Right now, meeting someone that we have a real connection with feels a bit like a game of Marco Polo. We’re all screaming into the void, hoping a like-minded dater will be listening to our dating calls. Daters are scrambling to reconnect beyond the technology bind. But if we’re all making noise for organic connection, why is no one hearing us?

We’re trying to find a quick solution. The most common question daters ask is where to meet singles. Though an important element, we can’t utilize the where without knowing the how.

We can walk into a bar knowing this is where our type flocks but have no ammo to make the shot. Without intention or confidence to back up our attempts, darting eyes fill the bar with hopeful thinking one person will perk up to make the first move. It’s a global dating dilemma. The fear of rejection puts us in a chokehold. Dating apps have stripped us of our social confidence by using phones as a rejection shield. The bottom line is we can be told where to meet someone, but not know how to make the connection once we’re face-to-face.

So, how do we meet someone in real life? 

Practice and intention. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither were our social skills. The last thing we want to hear is that we have to put in effort. But as with everything else, dating takes effort. And before effort comes intention. It’s one thing to boycott dating apps and subscribe to a dating life of organic meetings. But another to emerge out of app shadows and make an introduction. 

It’s not easy. Nothing worthwhile ever is. The quickest way to see the bark is worse than the bite is by ripping off the Band-Aid. Make the intention to introduce yourself face-to-face and do it. And it doesn’t have to be in a bar or a party where external forces are causing you to stay if all goes pearshape.   

Start simple. Begin in an environment where you have no social ties. A park, the street, or your local coffee shop. Well, maybe not your local. We still want our favorite dirty chai… but somewhere you can swiftly exit or show face again despite the outcome. However, the emphasis isn’t so much on where it’s how you show up when the opportunity of connection presents itself. 

The rule of thumb is don’t go out seeking it. We tend to date with unconscious blinders on. We have an ideal type we’re looking for and the ideal scenario we want to meet this person in. With our eye on one prize, we remove ourselves from the present and miss out on meeting someone who genuinely sparks our interest entirely. The key is being open to the possibility and releasing control of the outcome… or dare I say, the type of person we’ll meet. 

There are two ways to be open to meeting people outside of dating apps. First is being the initiator. This takes the most practice, but the most rewarding. The other is the receiver. The one that requires the most open-mindedness. 

The initiator. 

We all should strive to be the ones to start the conversation and break the ice. However, it takes a second to warm up to the plate. We must be prepared for rejection. And to redefine our relationship with the word rejection. It’s not as harsh as one may believe. The most common form of rejection we face is someone being unavailable, emotionally or physically. They’re in a relationship or not in the dating headspace. Most of the time the rejection has nothing to do with us, but all to do with the person we’re talking to. 

Practice makes confidence. After a few attempts, we’ll soon realize the goal isn’t making the perfect match. It’s the dopamine hit of making an organic connection in whatever form it manifests in. When we release the pressure, we can start to tap into what makes honest connections. Living and being open to conversation, brings us into our receiver. 

The receiver. 

The role much more crucial than it appears. Simply being open to a conversation isn’t always easy. We can be quick to judge and shy away from someone who makes a cold introduction. Think about all the times in a bar or out with our friends when we dodged eye contact or shut down a conversation because they weren’t our type. These habits unconsciously shut us off from future connections. 

Creating connection lies within our energy. We can make an intentional choice to be open to meeting someone new. This is how we tap into the B.O.D dating world (before online dating). Start by engaging with the community around you. This will make you more comfortable and receptive to conversations.

Initiator or receiver, to meet someone outside of the apps, we need to learn how to communicate without technology. We can harp on the where, but real connection starts by making the intention to say hello. 

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