“I Hate Dating Apps, but Want a Relationship”… The Complicated Disconnect of the Dating App vs Real Life Debate

It’s no shock people are turning on dating apps. Subscription price increases, endless swipe addiction, and dead-end matches are giving dating apps a bad rep. And, in most cases, for good reason. As we continue to reclaim social normality, technology rises around us. Daters are rushing to make a stand against the algorithm before in real life connection is lost forever. Some daters have gone as far as deleting their dating app profiles, others verbally despise the apps’ existence, while staying app active. It’s a race for our dating reality.

The dating world is putting up arms against dating apps and daters aren’t shy about it. Friend group voices echo in restaurants claiming they are done with the apps. They hate them and are stopping cold turkey. They go on to explain their bad luck with the algorithm and past matches. It’s an endless scroll of disappointment and miscommunication. An opinion that stretches across the restaurant walls. It’s impossible to miss. Beyond intimate dinners, the “I hate dating apps” narrative injects itself into the TikTok and Instagram feeds, creating a bed of festering app negativity.

In a theatre hall where podcasters, Girls Gotta Eat, chat about dating app experiences, the audience of almost 3,000 people hums a collective disgust for the dating apps that have blurred our dating reality. As people continue to share their bad experiences with dating apps and the unhealthy relationships found through them, it’s only natural for daters to lose hope. A loss of hope that turns into frustration to complete dislike. The hate for dating apps is everywhere, yet their relevance is as pointed as ever.

Outside the clatter of dating app disdain, 3 out of 10 Americans still use the apps, according to Forbes. Meaning people are still opting for dating apps, even though the collective is chanting for organic dating. The dating app boycott is growing louder, yet there are many who find its existence to be beneficial. Especially those who have found success in its algorithm borders. Difference of opinion between those who hate dating apps, and the present and past users still advocating for their positive features has caused a dating app stigma.

It's as though the world has turned against those who have found relationships through the apps and those still determined to use them for good. Aka using them mindfully and to their advantage. The sound of an individual or collective hating dating apps is discouraging, though their feelings are valid, and frankly, sometimes factual. It raises the question of…

Will there be a day when we’ll be embarrassed to say we use dating apps?

The day may already be fast approaching. Especially for those who have found relationships on the apps. Somehow, it feels less accredited than if you met your partner in real life. Technology is a part of every relationship, whether it started the relationship or encouraged it through texting, FaceTime, DMs, etc. Relationships don’t exist without it. How relationships develop is what makes one healthy and “credible.” Secure couples who found partnerships via dating apps may find the dating app stigma to be bearable and maybe irrelevant to their current healthy situation. But what about singles continuing to explore the benefits of dating apps?

If we look past the impossible relationship guarantees that dating apps promise, there are benefits to using them. Benefits found by learning how to control dating apps, instead of allowing dating apps to control us. Dating apps are a dominant source for meeting people outside of our social circle. They are an outlet for expanding our reach and learning about different cultures, backgrounds, and relationship types. Like social media, they expand our possibility of connection. Of course, genuine connection only happens when we meet them face-to-face. But dating apps are another way of getting us there.

The collective hate for them doesn’t make it any easier to continue using dating apps for those incorporating it into their dating life. The growing dating app stigma is making it harder to stay confident in our verbal confirmation that we still use them. Like those who hate dating apps, we all build our unique dating narrative. Rather, that includes using dating apps or not. We all have a right to choose without judgment from other daters. A reality that may not be completely possible.

So, will dating apps vs real life dating ever be able to live in harmony?

That’s for us to decide as individuals. Showing compassion for our needs while respecting others. A harsh opinion against or for dating apps creates this unnecessary dating app stigma. Dating takes enough energy to give ever-changing social expectations more thought. Those who decide to not use dating apps because of their respective reasoning should be more mindful of those who choose to. And vice versa. We build our dating narratives. Not one dating life looks the same. What works for one doesn’t always work for another. Hence the figurative burning of the dating rule book. In your hate for dating apps or quest for incorporating them mindfully into your dating regime, remember you control your dating life. Date your way, just don’t judge others for not doing the same.

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