Am I Ready for A Committed Relationship? Steps to Changing Your Dating Intentions

From Dating Casually to Dating for Commitment, How to Accept Your Different Dating Goals

📷: @stevie_jadee

Leaves aren’t the only thing experiencing change. Like our earthy friends, people experience their own change. We chop off our hair to signal a shift and embrace layers to reinvent our style. Our new look is the controlled armor for the change we feel inside. The concept of change isn’t new, but somehow we’re always surprised by it. For daters and singles, the concept grows more complex as the dating game changes around us and our dating goals develop within us. We’re suddenly and constantly consumed by trying or feeling something new.

Dating, though it may feel endless, isn’t stagnant. While dating finds new meaning with each year, our personal dating goals continue to expand alongside it. When we feel content in our dating life, a new desire slithers through the crack of change. After casually dating and exploring the vast dating landscaping, a committed relationship bug bites us right in the gut. We’re transported, once again, to a new dating era.

We learned how to accept our casual dating strategy and date confidently with an open mind—trying various outcomes. Short-term relationships, friends with benefits, or even long-term relationships. With it, we’ve developed unwavering pillars of ourselves and values. We guided our dating lives with curiosity and respect. Casual dating helped us understand who we are and the future we wanted. Now standing confident in ourselves, a new wave of dating is crashing on our quiet shore.

We want a committed relationship.

How we show up to dates, on dating apps, and in the world will change. But don’t worry, casual dating was the prerequisite to this moment. We know the type of relationship we want and we’re not afraid to use our voice to get it.

The first stage is acceptance.

We’ve become comfortable in our current dating life. All the feelings, good and bad, that came from our past dating experiences, we felt and learned from. We know what to expect. But like life, comfort is the fuel of change. Our dating goals are changing, and we don’t know what to do with this new desire for a committed relationship. It’s daunting. We must become comfortable in our new dating goals, again…

But we’ve pulled together steps to help you fiercely enter this new dating era with confidence.

Recognize and celebrate your dates and relationships in the past.

Each experience taught you about values, boundaries, standards, and wants. Reflect on how you’ve grown. Start with this journal entry… What is one thing I’ve learned over the past year?

Say it out loud.

The thought of wanting a committed relationship can start small, and then grow to the point of combustion. Share your new dating goal with your close friends or therapist. Hearing yourself say the words is mind-clearing. In that moment, you’ve taken control of your feelings. How powerful! Remember, your paths look different from your friends. True friendship will support your new dating goal.

Change your dating intentions on dating apps. 

Okay, this step is extra daunting but incredibly empowering. There’s an unspoken stigma around putting “long-term relationship” or “life partner” in your profile. But those who are put off by your secure dating intention aren’t for you. To ease into putting a “long-term relationship” in your dating profile, start with “long-term relationship, open to short-term.” It’s subtle but still intentional.

Share your dating intentions on dates. 

Utilize the dating confidence you gained from casual dating. Your dating goals are valid, and no one can tell you otherwise. Speaking your truth will allow dates that don’t share similar goals to walk away before things get complicated. Communication is how we prevent situationships. We don’t need a blunt approach and say we want a committed relationship, and it doesn’t have to be shared on a first or second date. Embrace the slow burn. When the conversation about dating intentions comes up, share your dating goals. Your boldness won’t turn the right person off. Instead, you’ll intrigue them more!

The shift from casually dating to dating for a committed relationship is a slow process. Allow yourself time to figure out and accept your new dating goal. Grace is your best friend in this process. And your past dating experiences are your foundation for keeping your values and boundaries in practice. Stay open-minded because not every date will lead to a committed relationship. However, like before, dates may expose you to new perspectives and relationships that continue to shape your dating goals.