How Love Languages Help Us Intentionally Date

The Five Love Languages in Dating and How to Identify Them in the Early Stages of Dating

📷: Rayna Tobin

The conversation about love languages in relationships is nothing new. They are the catalysts for how we give and receive love. There are five categories under which all love birds can fall. And very often we can express love in two or more ways. Love languages are a major part of cultivating and maintaining connections. They are an expression that strengthens a relationship, draws us closer, and acts as reassurance for our partner. Understanding our love languages, both receiving and giving, is important to help us find and keep a love that fulfills us.

If you’re wondering what yours are, chances are you’re already practicing them. We don’t just practice our love languages in romantic relationships, they also show up platonically, though they may look a little different. It’s how we spread love in our community and receive it from our loved ones. All while strengthening our connection with those around us.

Okay, love languages in our established relationships sounds great, but how does it translate to dating? 

It all goes back to the number #1 date lesson: don’t ask yourself if your date likes you, but if you like your date. We should worry about our feelings towards someone, not the other way around. And trust the other person will show us theirs. We uncover our feelings towards them by becoming self-aware of how our body and mind react to them. When we feel comfortable and safe with someone, our love languages can subconsciously show.  

Love languages are a self-aware dating tool that helps us know our interest in the person we’re dating. Especially in the early stages of dating, before establishing the relationship. Our love language signs can show up as early as the first date… including physical touch. 

Before we get ahead of ourselves, we want to feel confident in our love languages, so we can be better at identifying them in a dating setting. Then we can get down to business to being actively self-aware of our actions on a date and help validate our feelings for the other person.

Let’s get self-aware! Here’s a breakdown of the love languages and how they may show up in the early stages of dating.

Physical Touch

Physical touch is one of the easiest love languages to spot on a date, especially a first. We show this love language by skin contact with your partner with hand holding, cuddling, subtle touches, and sex. Woah, don’t worry. It doesn’t have to get that serious in the early stages of dating… but it can if both consent to the progression. Physical touch draws an immediate connection between romantics. It can heighten our engagement and foster emotional safety.  

How it shows up on a date:

Shoulder brushing, arm or leg tapping in laughter or interest, hand holding, or a soft hand touch behind their back while walking. 

Words of Affirmation

Affirming words are phases or reassuring statements that express your interest, feelings, or appreciation for the other person. Often recognized as physical appearance compliments, it’s not the main purpose. Words of affirmation can validate someone’s kindness, intelligence, honesty, or vulnerability. They encourage communication that builds emotional connection and relationship confidence. 

How it shows up on a date:

Share your appreciation for making time or planning the date. Compliment their timeliness or physical appearance, respectively. Comment on how safe or connected you feel with them. BONUS! This is great for expressing your dating needs - try these positive affirmations on your next date.

Quality Time

One-on-one time with your partner or with the person you're dating helps facilitate intimate conversations and intellectual connection. The need to share experiences with someone can bring you closer. And it doesn’t always have to be an extravagant date. Going grocery shopping or completing a difficult task/chore together can strengthen your bond and trust. 

How it shows up on a date:

After talking about an experience or activity you want to do together, one of you plans it for a future date. Leaning towards your date during a conversation (this is actively engaging in one-on-one conversations and being genuinely interested)

Gift Giving

Ever been told you’re a great gift giver? The love language of gift-giving highlights the thoughtfulness and awareness of another person’s interests and likes. When we see something that reminds us of our partner, or the person we’re dating, sharing that gift shows the other person we are listening and thinking of them when they’re not around. And it doesn’t have to be something expensive or purchased. It can be something we made in a class or a shell we found on the beach. Yes, it can be cheesy. What’s life without some cheese?

How it shows up on dates:

This may not show up on a first date. Though don’t count anything yet! After a few conversations during or between a date, showing up with a silly gift about what you talked about can be endearing. Or it can also be the restaurant matchbox they grab for you walking out the door!

Acts of Service

Similar to gift giving, acts of service are taking the thoughtful initiative to show another person you care. Gift-giving is technically an act of service, but this love language can show up as lightening someone’s chore load or planning a surprise activity they love doing. Hello, quality time! Acts of service is making the intention to use your time or go out of your way to help your partner or the person you’re dating. 

How it shows up on dates:

Arriving early to secure a table, holding the door for you/ pulling out your chair (this is also just etiquette), calling a taxi for you to get home safely, walking you to the subway, or cleaning the dishes after cooking together.

Love languages are the superpowers of connection. They allow us subconscious insight into how we are feeling, and in return, how someone makes us feel. As important as it is to feel comfortable expressing our love languages, how we receive love and how the person we’re dating is meeting those needs helps us decipher our compatibility for a healthy relationship. Tuning into our love languages on dates is the first step to gauging our comfort level with this new person and the overall potential. 

PS. Try this date question. What are your love languages, giving and receiving? 

Need support? Learn more about our Date Support Call or 1:1 Coaching to build and advocate for the relationships you deserve!