Is There a Time When Ghosting is Necessary?
The Reality of Ghosting Karma
@alexraytabetGhosting has become a major dating topic in recent years, with daters saying enough. The term ghosting rose in the early 2010s when NYC writer and cartoonist Hannah VanderPoel coined the word “ghosting” when her dates consistently disappeared into an abyss. A dating abyss where long-lost dates lie.
Those who inhabit this alternate universe are called ghosts, dates/potential partners who don’t text/call you back after a date or multiple dates. There is no explanation or zero conversation, just silence.
The infamous word ghosting has inspired the anti-ghosting movement as daters continue to take a stand against the selfish act. As self-awareness and healthy dating habits increase in society, ghosting has become unacceptable. But it happens.
Finding someone who hasn’t ghosted in their life is quite rare. I have ghosted, but like many daters of this generation, I’ve then experienced the other side of the coin… being ghosted.
Ghosting someone without a right or reason is never okay. It just sets the ghost up for being ghosted by someone in the future. In the end, ghosting comes back to haunt us. Ghosting karma teaches us not to ghost. We can’t sympathize with being ghosted until it happens to us.
Even if you got ghosted after only one date, it leaves you with endless questions and self-doubt.
What did I do wrong? Was I not cool enough? Did they not find me attractive?
Too often enough, the answer to those questions is no. Ghosting is not a response to you, it reflects the ghost themselves. Because of their own insecurities and/or lack of emotional stability, they cannot handle rejecting someone. It’s never easy, but it’s the mature thing to do. Not ghosting also sets you up for more positive dating relationships in the future.
Ghosting leads the ghost down the same path with no growth towards healthier dating habits. This negative energy may just lead them to be ghosted themselves… aka ghosting karma.
Ghosting karma comes around to teach us lessons. It’s not something that is necessarily negative. Ghosting karma is a dating lesson. Once you fall on the other end of the stick, you realize it doesn’t feel so great, even if hurting the other person wasn’t your intention when ghosting.
Choosing to reject someone other than running into the ghost abyss is the mature approach and the other person will most likely appreciate your honesty. You’ll even feel better inside after speaking your truth. Feeling good about our own actions is ultimately the goal.
However, there are times when ghosting is necessary. It is more appropriately referred to as setting personal boundaries.
Once you have expressed to your date that you are not interested, they, in turn, should respect your decision and move on. Of course, they may ask you for another chance or shoot their shot one more time because why wouldn’t they? You’re great!
But when they consistently reach out after you have told them you are not interested in future dates, there is a point where not replying is an option. In this circumstance, though it may be cousins to ghosting, it is NOT ghosting.
The other person has now ignored your wishes, despite your good communication, displaying their own unhealthy dating habits. There is an option of blocking, numbers, and/or socials. You are in control. If you feel their continued reach outs (after your continued rejection letters) are hindering your mental health, or you feel unsettled, blocking is 100% okay.
You make the rules. Ghosting karma will not come after you. It has no play in this situation.
As the anti-ghosting movement continues to expand, more branches of the olive tree grow. Ghosting is more complex than when the term was first created. There is a thin line in which ghosting lies. The best way to approach ghosting is by practicing personal, healthy dating habits based on how actions and people make you feel.
Lead with kindness and be the self-aware queen you are, and ghosting karma will leave you be.
Check out our other dating tips! Need some confidence? Our self-love advice.
