“I Love Your Emotions.” How to Be More Vulnerable in a Relationship
Navigating Your Emotions in the Early Stages of Dating. How They Bring You Closer
“I love your emotions.”
The thing my partner told me that stopped me in my tracks. You can call it cheesy, but for me, it was the moment I felt validated in my pursuit of vulnerability. Throughout my dating journey, I have been building my confidence and comfort in sharing my emotions, more specifically the not-so-happy ones. Such as my anxiousness, tearful moments, annoyance, or triggers.
Whether that was in my past relationships, or the one I am in now, willing these “negative” emotions to show was scary. But when I heard that simple line, it felt like a bright light bulb above my head mixed with pride. Yes, my person allowed me the space to express these feelings, but it was my persistence and promise to myself to embrace my vulnerability that gave me the strength to open up.
The moment was validating, but also a sigh of relief. I had found safety in a relationship. One that I helped myself find by challenging myself to show my emotions to my partner in the early stages of dating and beyond. I wouldn’t have known he could create a safe space for me or trust his security without stepping out of my comfort zone and into the unknown.
The light bulb over my head was the realization that our vulnerability can be a guiding post to the right relationship if we embrace our emotions and let them show. It’s difficult, but that’s what makes it worth it. There are people out there who love all the layers of us, including the feelings we’re not always proud of. But I promise you’ll be proud of them when you feel seen by the right person.
It takes time to feel confident being vulnerable in a relationship. And full honesty, we may never get to complete vulnerable freedom. It’s a journey, just like our life, just like our relationships. There’s always something to be learned. I still remind myself I am safe to express my emotions when I’m feeling vulnerable. It gets easier, but I still need to be my biggest cheerleader.
“Do it! It will bring you closer… give him the opportunity to be there for you… he’s only shown proof that he is a safe space to express your emotions.”
There’s proof in the pudding! If we let ourselves focus on the facts, not our over-analysis of their reaction to our feelings, we find enough motivation to let it out.
Comfort in vulnerability takes steps and practice. We first need to become comfortable with our emotions and allow ourselves time to process them. However, when we’re in the moment, this might not always be available to us. Except, we can regulate as we express by connecting back to our self-soothing skills.
Start by journaling about your emotions and the different feelings that arise in situations. If your partner triggers these feelings, it’s important to understand them yourself first. When you need time to process, express that you need a minute before you can talk. P.S. This also counts as vulnerability!
In the moments of doubt, connect back to the times they showed you safety. How have they listened to you in the past? Are there any behaviors that cause you to think they won’t care about your needs/emotions? Have they comforted you in other situations?
Look for the facts and what you know! If the relationship is developing healthily, the chances are they’ve reassured you that you can show yourself.
Moments of vulnerability also become indicators of your partner’s emotional maturity and ability to hold space for you. It’s an important element of a relationship and one that is only found when we step into the vulnerability zone with them. Allow them to show up for you!
Next, always remind yourself why you’re doing this. You want to grow closer to them. You want to allow them to really get to know you, all of you. The relationship you’re looking for involves talking about the hard stuff and working through the rougher times. Embracing your vulnerability shows your strength and admirable pursuit of healthy love.
And it all gets easier with time. The more you open up to this person, the more scientific proof you have that you are safe and can trust the space. You become less dependent on personal reassurance before the emotion takes over you and you let yourself go to the other person.
Building trust takes time and practice! We don’t get there without doing. And you never know, you might just find someone who loves your emotions. Because, let’s be honest, emotional confidence is cool!
Let it out, baby!
