Dating Someone New for the Holidays and What It Actually Means For Your Relationship’s Future

Bah humbug, it’s the holidays again! No, we’re not sad about all the Christmas lights, the presents, and all the wonderful cheer around us… we’re worried about the holiday conversations we must have with the new person we’re dating, or even more daunting, deciding if we’re exchanging gifts.

Dating during the holidays is both exciting and nerve-wracking. Freshly in the first month of dating or reaching a year, the dreaded conversation about shared holidays is upon us and there’s an air of fear, cheer, and vulnerability. Because frankly, bringing someone home for the holidays is a serious move towards commitment.

Everyone celebrates the holidays differently. Some have massive family get-togethers, while to others it’s not a pertinent occasion. Either way, sharing the holidays usually means meeting the family or extended. You’re not just joining in on the day, you’re becoming privy to their sacred holiday traditions, even if it is just drinking too much egg nog and passing out on the couch. It’s bonding.

Spending the holidays is a big deal, but it’s not a make-it-or-break-it kind of deal. And just because your friends are doing it, doesn’t mean you have to as well. Being together for the holidays doesn’t determine your relationship’s future, however, the conversation you have around it may give you a sense of the relationship’s direction.

Whether you’re talking about holiday plans or discussing gifts with your new person, the most important thing is how you’re using the seasonal conversation to grow closer and connect. Holiday dating conversations are vulnerable and a little scary, but there are a few different perspectives and ideas that can keep everyone jolly… and even get you both talking about commitment!

Firstly, is it too early to bring the person you’re dating home for the holidays?

There are a lot of numbers going around about how many months of dating are appropriate for holiday sharing, but what matters is what’s right for you and your relationship. Sure, if you’re in the first few months of dating, you or them wanting to do it solo is not an offense. You’re still getting to know each other and bringing a family into the mix might bring unnecessary complications. Instead, ask if you both see each other spending future holidays together. And as a follow-up, ask when they will feel comfortable introducing you to their family.

Okay, but you want to spend it with them. Should you ask them?

If you want them at your holiday party, don’t wait for them to bring it up! Ask them to join you, but be open to different answers, and be ready to be flexible. One thing to note is sometimes you need to give the other person space to think about it. Give them a few days to get their calendar in order and ask to talk about it in the next few days.

Celebrate just the two of you!

You may not be together on the day, but it doesn’t mean you can’t make it special. Plan a holiday date for just the two of you. Go to dinner, choose a holiday activity, or go to a comedy/ play. Spend quality time together before setting off. This can be a great time for reflection and to talk about where you see the relationship going in the new year, even during the first few months of dating. Allow it to be a jump-off point for talking about your feelings. Try… I love spending time with you and sharing this time of year with you has been so special. I want to keep building these memories with you.

We just started dating. Should I buy them a Christmas present?

Ask and you shall receive. You won’t get anywhere with speculating, and you’ll only get yourself into a holiday tizzy. If gift-giving is your love language and important to you, tell them you would like to buy them a gift. (It doesn’t have to be extravagant. Just something thoughtful.) Make sure you agree on gift expectations. This will also set the precedent for future gift occasions. And no, it’s not weird to ask to exchange gifts. Do you send a list to your family or friends each year?

Don’t spend the holidays ridden with overthinking. The sooner you have the conversation about plans and gifts, the quicker you’ll allow yourself to enjoy the time with your new person. If they are wishy-washy or not interested in collaborating with you on holiday time together, take it as a sign they may not be the right match for you or it may be time to have a more serious talk about needs and commitment.

Remember you’re Cindy Lou and you’re in control of your holiday destiny. Do what feels right for you!

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