Why Everyone is Rescheduling First Dates. A Red Flag or A New Normal?

Rescheduling Date Scenarios, What It Means, and How to Respond to Someone Who Can’t Commit

📷: @stevie_jadee

We’re a culture split between overflowing calendars and planned self-care days. There’s a desperation to strike a balance between our personal and professional lives. Drinking enough water, socializing so we don’t become anti-social, trying new hobbies, moving our bodies, manifesting career opportunities, and finding someone to join the daily cycle with us. We are people with lots of moving parts. And sometimes those pieces don’t align. Even though we try to shape them to perfection. Layers of our lives overlap, and we need to maneuver. 

And the first piece of the weekly puzzle put aside behind the corner pieces is dating. Particularly first dates, followed by second dates. If we’re lucky to put one on our calendar. We all decide to date, and by doing so, we’re choosing to make it a priority. However, it is the first to be rescheduled when our weeks get scrambled. It’s okay. And it’s normal to reschedule dates every so often. Unexpected work obligations arise, stuffy noses keep us glued to a tissue box, and bad news encourages us to take a mental health day. There are valid reasons to reschedule or cancel a date. 

Whether you’re the receiver of the rescheduled text or the sender, it’s a hard topic to face. Especially if you’ve never met each other. Rescheduling dates naturally brings an air of not caring. The reasoning can still be valid and the one who cancels is still interested. But we feel slightly snubbed, anyway. It’s the unrealistic expectation we should take precedence. However, we have no reason to believe someone we haven’t met should choose us over a work obligation. Our human desire to be wanted is a powerful reality blur. 

Rescheduling a date isn’t bad if it’s handled with care. And doesn’t become a trend. It’s a unique way to gauge your compatibility with someone. When a date is rescheduled, we get a realistic view of how the person handles life’s complexities. We can also see their genuine interest in meeting us. Yet, it’s a simple act that becomes rapidly confusing. Rescheduled dates complicate our already set schedules. We lose a little faith in the date and hope it’s not a defining personality trait. We should handle rescheduled first dates step by step and by listening to our needs.

To ensure we don’t fall into a trap of noncommittal dates while allowing grace for the unexpected, we’ve laid out rescheduling date scenarios, what they mean, and how to respond. 

They reschedule a first date the day of or the day before. 

Either something happened out of their hands, or they have no awareness of time. If someone reschedules a date the day off or the day before, they should offer a new day and time in the same text thread as their initial text. Bonus points if they call. If they reschedule at that moment and/or be flexible with your schedule, give them a chance to rectify the situation. When they don’t take the initiative to reschedule the first date, relinquish effort on your side. Accept the loss, and spend the night ordering your favorite takeaway. 

They keep rescheduling dates.

The only consistent thing about them is their rescheduling. On the first date, you were flexible after they asked to reschedule. Now they need to change the second date as well. Without them verbally telling you, they may not have the time to give to dating or a new relationship. They just may not know it themselves yet. Here, you can decide to give them one more chance to reschedule (if they are suggesting and planning the new date in a timely manner). Or it may be enough info to say goodbye. 

Sometimes our schedules don’t align with another’s. Other times, people have different ideas of timing and respect for other people’s time. It comes down to compatibility. How we prioritize our life and dating life can be different. The simple alignment of our daily operation is off. It’s important to share your concerns with them and simultaneously stand for your dating needs. 

How to say you’re not interested in rescheduling a date?

You are not obligated to go into detail about why you don’t want to reschedule the date. You have shown interest in your willingness to be flexible prior. Their constant rescheduling shows a lack of effort on their side. Suggest you call it here and wish them the best. But if you felt like you’ve spent a decent amount of time with them, despite their rescheduling tendency, you can share your concern. You have little trust they will follow through, and you are looking for consistency. There is comfort in speaking your truth. However, stay steadfast in your decision to not move forward. There may be some resistance with excuses and reasoning. Be sure to think through your decision and why you don’t want to continue dating them. By knowing your why, you’ll develop trust in your decisions without the need for validation from the other person. 

Rescheduling first dates or any early date is tricky. But it is an opportunity to see how invested someone is in dating and getting to know you. Evaluate how you feel about the person who reschedules. Allow their actions, not words, to show their intentions.