Why We Should Stop Calling Every New Relationship a Situationship

How Overusing the Dating Term, Situationship, Stops Us from Finding Healthy Relationships

📷: @stevie_jadee

Dating in today’s world doesn’t come without a list of dating term prerequisites. Some are necessary for dating awareness like ghosting. Others only contribute to the growing complexity of the world. Typically found in the algorithms of TikTok, dating terms like beige flags add a redundant element to the dating screening process. But there’s one term that triumphs all the rest. 

Situationships. A non-committal relationship between two people who haven’t clarified their dating intentions. The dance between feelings unspoken. This Millennial dating term found traction as dating apps came into the scene. With more choices, daters unconsciously fall into situationships without being equipped with the right tools to communicate. At its time of creation, resources weren’t as readily available as they are today. Different relationship dynamics didn’t yet have the same exposure. 

We were all just out there trying to explore our needs, without knowing how to express them. Thus, we arrived at situationships. Since then, the use of the term has soared. It’s become a staple relationship type despite being void of the elements of a healthy relationship. But its commonality makes it unavoidable. Situationships made their bed in the dating world and now we must all lie in it. 

It's difficult to come across a Millennial or Gen Z dater who hasn’t experienced some level of a situationship. In some ways, they are a rite of passage, as we all learn how to understand our needs and communicate them. They are bouncing boards for future healthier relationships. Lessons come in boatloads if we choose to learn them. However, situationships’ infamous popularity is blurring the lines between them and a healthy relationship. 

The dating term is so thoughtlessly tossed around that it’s become a potential step to a committal relationship. A step is also known as the early stages of dating. Naturally, the beginning of a relationship comes with various unknowns. A few unknowns we can uncover in time, but in the rest, we must build trust to endure the inevitably uncomfortable time of starting a relationship. Since the early days of a relationship require open communication, people can be quick to categorize this stage as a situationship. Especially if communication or dating intentions aren’t established yet. 

In that case, situationship is the correct term, but if a relationship is our goal, we don’t want to build a relationship from this place. It’s counterintuitive to our dating intention. Healthy relationships get more difficult to cultivate from a low communication dynamic. Sure, situationships can become a relationship, but that’s only after the start of honest communication.. A Hypebae article exemplified the situationship to relationship theory by sharing tips on how to bring up the “what are we” conversation without “scaring” the other person away. But shouldn’t the scare factor show us if a committed relationship is viable?

If our needs scare the person, we’re dating for a relationship, then we should let them run. But because it took the situationship to relationship route, the thought of sharing our needs scares us more because we’ve already established feelings for them without telling them. There’s an element of potential loss of the romanticized relationship we conjured up with them in our heads. We’re scared to lose the comfort of our dreams in our reality. 

How do we alleviate this situationship anxiety?

We stop using the dating term as a crutch for our lack of communication. Situationships are the early stages of dating, but the early stages of dating aren’t situationships. If we date with the assumption that we will get into a situationship before a relationship, then a situationship is what we’ll find. However, if we approach dating with the intention of a relationship and share them openly, situationships can’t spread. We cut its oxygen source with communication. 

Introducing communication in the early stage of dating isn’t easy. If it was, situationships wouldn’t exist. That’s where our decision to date for a relationship, not a situationship, becomes crucial. It’s a conscious effort to stop calling every dating experience a situationship. We only minimize the work we’ve put in to build secure attachments and healthier relationships. 

It’s not our fault for falling into the vicious cycle of situationship dating. We’re all educated on their meaning and prevalence but can’t seem to shake their attachment to our dating lives. Because it’s always there swimming in the back of our minds and social algorithms. The more we learn to communicate our needs confidently, remember practice makes confidence, the better we become at dodging situationship quicksand. 

Situationships aren’t going anywhere. They don’t need to, necessarily. Situationships teach us how to not get into situationships if we let them. As we grow beyond this type of relationship, our dating terms should also evolve. In a manifesting light, our thoughts and words have power. Opting for “early stages of dating” over “situationship” keeps the positive energy flowing towards relationship development. Match that energy with communicative actions and we’ll put situationship back in its rightful definition with less bleeding ink into healthy relationships.

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