How to Embrace the Journey of Our Sexual Awakening

How to Enjoy the Slow Burn and Release the Shame of Body Count

@danielalopezp

Start by asking yourself, what do I like? Next, ask yourself, do I like this? For too long, sexuality was put into a box with a fragile sticker slapped on the side. Sex is complex, but it’s also an important element to not only relationships, but to us as individuals. With the political climate as it is, the control over women’s bodies connects to our sexual being. Not knowing the future of our own voice for childbearing and sex causes unnecessary fear about our sexuality. Aged ideas from pencil sized dick men are slinking into our bed sheets.

Despite any views, hearing and knowing other’s views on sex, particularly regarding women, is unsettling. We try to avoid the noise, but other’s opinions ring in our minds before, during, and after we explore our sexuality. Discovering sex as a woman can be a tricky road filled with obstacles. With the coining of phrase hoe phase, society contradicts itself again by accessorizing the word Hoe, while continuing to call a woman who embraces her sexuality one.

But no one is a hoe for exploring their own inner sexual being.

As someone who used to care about body count, I’ve realized for many singles, adding to our body count is crucial to understanding who we are in the bedroom. We all can’t be a one body wonder with freedom for sexual discovery with one person. That’s not a consistent reality.

Sex is a massive part of dating. It can confirm physical attraction, compatibility, comfort, and so much more when developing any type of relationship. Like dating, every sexual experience is a lesson. It’s a way of learning what we want and what we don’t. Sex is intimidating, and extra intimidating when you have the world’s opinions coming at you from every direction. It’s easy to get discouraged or feel bad for adding yet another person to your body count. 

Except, that extra body may have just helped you discover a new feeling of pleasure or a fresh addition to your hard no list. There is no shame in discovering what we want from sex with someone who isn’t our soulmate. The keywords are what we like. Like a date, ask yourself, do I like them, not do they like me? The idea works in the bedroom too.

Do I like this? Am I physically attracted to them? Am I attracted to this type of sex?

Sometimes physical attraction can’t be determined until you’re in the bedroom. Answering your own question of attraction by having sex is okay. Everyone has different pedometers for dating and sex. Sex can be the deciding factor in continuing on with someone. But it’s important to know how to avoid the feeling of regret after deciding to call it quits after sex. We can avoid sexual regret by changing our perspective. Instead of looking at the experience as another add to our body count, it can be an educational experience. What elements did I enjoy? What moves felt off? Was I able to discover new things about my body? If so, what did that feel like?

By taking back control of the narrative of our sexual encounters, we can make our own sexual awakening. Contrary to what media says, our sexuality isn’t comprised from one overwhelming moment. Realistically, there isn’t a wow moment of this is sex. Sexual awakening is a slow burn. It is breathy yeses and immediate nos. Having sex with different people and finding our sexual wakening isn’t a hoe phase. It is a lifelong discovery of ourselves.

Reach out to friends, speak up with sexual partners, and don’t be ashamed of the sexual being you are becoming. Pro tip: don’t ask anyone’s body count. It doesn’t matter. All that matters is how great two people or more feel in bed together. More importantly, it’s about how great you feel in the bedroom.

Enjoy the slow burn.