My Date Asked Me to Attend Their Friend’s Event on Our First Date. Should I Go?
The normal reaction to this question would be a quick no. But what if I told you the date may be your best? Meeting someone for the first time in person is nerve-wracking, but meeting their friends all on the same night can be a challenge. But it doesn’t have to be. Before making a hasty decision, ask yourself these three questions:
What is the event? Am I interested in the event? Are we meeting before?
For those still with me, and those that are continuing to read while thinking I’m crazy, let’s start with the first question. What is the event? It’s crucial to know the three w’s. When, where, and who. Hoping they’ve sent you the flyer or link to the event on socials, we can then do some quick sleuthing to find our answers. Though event times don’t show when it will officially peak with people, we need them to decipher if there’s enough time before to potentially grab a drink with them and if that leaves time for us to go to bed at an okay hour. School nights are school nights.
Knowing where the event is can help you determine if it’s the area you feel comfortable being in on a first date. Having a sense of where it is can help you manage control over your side of the date and keep you feeling confident the rest of the night. Now the “who” is a view of how much healthy distraction they’ll be in the room. There’s nothing more intimidating than walking into a room with only a few people. If the event has some traction on social or even better, a friend of a friend follows their account, you’re guaranteed a good turnout so the interaction between the two of you can balance without forcing unwanted conversation. Now you have the three Ws, you’re ready for the next stage of acceptance of this exciting first-date adventure.
Other than the allure of living out a Sex and the City episode, going to an event on a first date can be a great indicator of the reality of your future relationship. Seeing how the other person acts in a social setting can save you from impending issues or introduce you to an intriguing side of them you wouldn’t get to see on a regular one-on-one date.
Hoping they are the type to introduce you to the other partygoers, the event can be the stone that kills two birds: the date and the opportunity for networking. If the event lives in the same category as your career or passions (i.e., book launch, art party, restaurant opening), the first date may be an opportunity to see the other side of the coin. Use the fun fact you’re on a first date as the hook and sink into a conversation. People love a first date story, and you have one they can witness. Also, you can show off your people skills in front of your date. There’s a sense of independence that comes from forging your own way at an event outside of the person you're with. If they’re the right one for you, they’ll be impressed by your ability to stand alone.
One of the most essential steps is introducing the idea of meeting for a drink before going to the event together. If they haven’t suggested it, take matters into your own hands, and ask them. Look at what’s near the event and pick a bar that you will feel most comfortable in. The drink can decipher how well you both connect. You’re able to create rapport before heading into the social world. If the drink portion doesn’t go as planned, it allows for an easy out before the event. There is no shame in dipping after the drink. Innocently referencing the drink-meet as a trial run over texts before, allowing both of you to wave the white flag amiably.
Dating is simply another sector of your life. Like your friends, social activities, and career, it doesn’t have to always sit apart from the rest. Allowing your life to ebb and flow might encourage more balance. Allowing this gives dating an opportunity to become enjoyable rather than a mundane Tuesday task. You’ll be able to see it blossom with the life you’ve already created. Attending an event on a first date isn’t typical, but it should be. With the pandemic shifting to lower gears and the surge of in-person interaction, event dating has a chance of breaking down dating norms. And you can be the early adopter.
Don’t say no to the event. Say yes to an adventure and the opportunity to meet someone you may have never gotten the chance to. And I don’t just mean your date…
