Is Dating With No Expectations the Key to A Better Dating Life?
Managing Expectations After One Month of Dating and Before First Dates
Dating’s worst enemy is the word “over.” Overthinking, over-romanticizing, over-speculating, over-texting, and over-expecting. Highly contagious and unforgiving, “over” doesn’t need feelings to make a home in our dating world. A first date is enough for it to find its way into our minds. Dating is the perfect environment for “over”-romanticizing and expectations to fester. However, if we don’t care for our beds, the “over” weeds will tangle with our reality. Creating an unrealistic world where over-romanticized dreams come true, and dates do precisely what we expect them to do. And the one who trips on the weeds is us.
Self-inflicted disappointment that “over” so kindly planted into our minds. We tricked ourselves into believing our romantic expectations were inevitably true. Our thoughts are powerful like manifesting trends continue to prove to us. Positive thinking can reshape our reality and attract opportunities meant for us. Including our dating lives. Where we misinterpret positive thinking is when we expect situations or dates to play out a specific way. For this to happen, people or dates must act under our expectations.
If that was a funny sentence, that’s because it is. We can’t expect the people we’re dating to say or do things we scripted for them while we were overthinking. In our over-romanticizing mind, the emphasis is on actions, rather than the overall experience. We lose our open energy, very often overrun by high expectations. It takes constant effort to manage our dating expectations. But it is a skill that will help build our immunity to the word over.
How do we manage our dating expectations?
By dating with no expectations. Not to confuse expectations with standards. Standards are how we believe we should be treated. It coincides with our dating wants. Because we aren’t compatible with everyone, we can’t expect every person we date to achieve our standards. It only leads to disappointment when we date someone new with the expectation that they will fulfill all our romantic wishes. We will only see the lack of what we expected rather than the possibility of who’s in front of us. Our expectations can make us miss out on someone that could be good for us. Aka miss the unexpected.
For unexpected dates and connections to find us, we must practice openness in our dating life. This means keeping our expectations low while practicing positive thinking. We can believe it will be a good date without detailing what makes it good. That’s how we stop “over”, overthinking, over-expecting, and overromanticizing, in their tracks.
As dates progress with someone and our feelings get involved, managing our expectations becomes more important than ever. Instead of looking too far into the future with this person, stay in the reality of what you know. Such as what they say they're looking for in relationships, their actions in planning dates, and their overall interest. If conversations of monogamy haven’t happened, keep your options open. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. After one month of dating, let the new relationship be a slow burn. Sparks burn slowly with low expectations and a light basket.
With managing dating expectations, comes accepting rejection.
Openness does not guarantee your next date will be the one. Being open is accepting the possibility of connection or rejection. We can’t have one without the other. Both redirect our dating life. The openness and low expectations of what a date will be makes room for opportunity. Rather with the person we’re dating now or the next. We need rejection to learn and grow to be ready for a fulfilling connection in the future. It’s hard to see in the moment of rejection, but your low expectations prepped you for this.
All this talk and no action… how do we practice low expectations in our dating life?
For first dates… try to avoid over-texting before you meet. Emphasis on the word over. Texting compatibility doesn’t always translate in person. Keep the chats to IRL. Don’t focus on the date until the day of. If your mind is racing, journal your thoughts or think about what you’re going to wear. Anything but how you expect this person to be. Before leaving for the date, take a moment to remind yourself to stay present and be open to new opportunities. Manifest what’s meant for you. Focus your thoughts on yourself.
For managing expectations after a month of dating… rely on your journaling to rest your over-romanticizing mind. Try these journaling tips to stop over-romanticizing! If there’s no conversation about monogamy, be open to going on other dates. Stay open while you’re out in public or reopen a dating app. Just be careful to manage your dating app usage. Whenever you’re ready to be monogamous, suggest the conversation to them. Don’t expect them to bring it up. There’s power in being in control of your feelings.
For relationship expectations… don’t expect people to act the way you would. In new relationships, we’re still learning about each other. How we would react in a situation can differ completely from the other person. This doesn’t mean we’re not compatible. It’s just an opportunity to practice communication. Instead of becoming passive or starting a fight, express to your partner your concerns about how they handled the situation. They may have a different perspective. One that differs from what you expected.
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