How to Talk to Yourself in the Mirror

The weather is heating up and all through the city, daters are out and meeting again. Up until this moment, you’ve only been a bystander, watching patiently from the sidelines. Now, after hesitantly agreeing to meet your Hinge match downtown, you are now a chess piece in the New York City dating game.  

Your headphones drown out your beating heart inside your chest as you make your way to the date. You remove them only a block away from the restaurant hoping to restrain your nervous mind from overthinking. After a deep breath, you head to the door. They’re there, standing confidently in front of the restaurant, waiting to meet you. You both softly hug before the bubbly host whisks you away to your seat. 

One hour, and a couple of drinks later…

You’re staring at yourself in the bathroom mirror. You’ve excused yourself to go freshen up. Your date is cute, cuter than expected. The conversation is flowing, maybe too flowy. Something should be off, but the date is oddly falling in line. 

Somehow the smoothness of the date intimidates you. Those nerves you so eloquently pushed away on the walk over, fill your stomach. The pestering bug inside your head is trying to convince you you’re not enough, too awkward, or maybe too shy. 

You look down for a second, contemplating your next steps. As much as you think you might hurl in the fake marble toilet, you realize there’s only one way out of here. You can’t sabotage yourself and jump out of the nonexistent window. 

So you push on. It’s the first date you’ve enjoyed in a while. Searching for renewed confidence, you look up and find your eyes in the mirror. Pointing your perfectly polished index finger at yourself. You softly repeat to yourself…

I’ve got this. I am cool. I am beautiful. I am smart. I am kind. I am a badass chick. I’m hot and fabulous. Anyone would be lucky to be on a date with me. Who I am is enough.

You stand there staring into the depth of your eyes. Finding warmth and sympathy for the person looking back at you. You declare love for yourself with no words spoken. 

There’s strength in your eyes as you stare into the mirror. You see you. You are enough. So clear in the water-stained mirror.

The sounds of the restaurant come pouring back into your ears. You should head back soon or they’ll think you've taken a poop or, even worse, dipped, though the absence of a window axed that thought. 

Quickly washing your hands you take a big breath, filling your lungs with lavender soap smells and confidence. Calm, but determined, you turn to the door. 

You glance back just one more time. Meeting your eyes for one last moment before you head into your future. A silent nod and reassuring smile. You open the door. The roaring sound of friends and lovers blasting through your self-love bumble opens you back up to the world. 

You boastfully walk your way through wine-filled tables. Your date lifts their head to meet your gaze. They smile, guiding you back to the table, back to the moment. 

The conversation flows once again, just as it once had before. You feel yourself slowly relaxing. Leaning closer to the table, closer to them. You are ready for a new adventure. 

Never talked to yourself in the mirror before? No worries, here are a few easy tips to start practicing this positive affirmation trick!

While getting ready for your date, start by saying positive affirmations to yourself in the mirror while you are putting on your make-up. Can’t find the words? Start simply by repeating: I am beautiful. I am kind. I am powerful. I am enough.

Make eye contact with yourself and say the words out loud. It may seem odd the first couple of times, but you’ll slowly begin to feel more comfortable with the words the more you say them. If you’re struggling to get the words out, try to imagine your looking at your best friend. What would you tell them to hype them up for a date?

Everything you would say to your friend also applies to you. Give yourself the same love that you would give to someone else. Eventually, you will create your own positive affirmations that are specific to your feelings. These will continue to remind yourself of how amazing you are.

Once you are comfortable saying affirmations in the mirror at home, try the affirmation trick out with your friends. In moments of social anxiety or self-doubt, excuse yourself to the bathroom. Give yourself a few extra moments as you wash your hands. Look into the mirror and repeat those positive affirmations to yourself. I promise no one will hear you!

After finding confidence in a safe space with your friends, you will soon be able to use the positive affirmation trick on a date. Even if you don’t really have to pee, give yourself those couple of moments if you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious. With only a few words in the small bathroom of the wine bar, you can recollect yourself. Repeat those same affirmations you created for yourself in the mirror. An added secret, point, and demand that you listen!

You have the power to create a love for yourself. And if you’re too nervous to remember your affirmation just simply look in the mirror and say I love you!