How to Say “No One” to the Are You Dating Someone Question
Finding Confidence in Answering Questions About Your Dating Life, While You’re Single
Being asked if you’re dating someone new isn’t uncommon and it isn’t necessarily a bad thing. However, when the question comes when you’re in a dating dry spell or on an intentional dating break, the answer doesn’t come out as easily. Add summer to the mix and you’re at a loss for words. Summer is the season of singles. Prancing from place to place, looking for dates. But sometimes even our most obnoxious attempt to catch another single’s attention may not be enough. We may not want to be prancing at all.
Dates come in waves. It’s not humanly sustainable to be consistently dating. It’s not physically possible to be dating every time someone inquires about our dating life. Whether we’re wanting to be on a dating break or not, dates aren’t always readily available. And in the summer, trying to find a day and time to fit in both your travel schedules is near impossible. Hats off to those who can sustain…
But for those who are riding the summer wave solo, if you choose to be or not, explaining your current dating life can be tricky. Even for the most confident and stable daters, saying the words “I’m not dating anyone right now” can still feel a little uncomfortable. It’s not you or the people that are inquiring that makes answering the “Are you dating” question so weird. It’s the social expectation that we must have someone always in our dating Rolodex.
Zero dating activity is not a flaw. A silent roster isn’t a reflection of you. Maybe there are a few text chats with matches, but nothing to write home about. You can’t be bothered to tell your friends about the new person you’re vaguely texting. Because a couple of weeks later, they’ll be an unsaved number at the bottom of your messages. There just isn’t anyone, and that’s okay.
But why is it still hard to say we’re dating “no one”?
The answer to that question also sits in the grey area like its predecessor. But unpacking the answer is crucial to growing more confident in our answer to the big “who are you dating” Q. When we better understand our feelings towards the situation, we’ll be more equipped to speak our truth with pride. Or with as much gumption that we can channel in the moment.
First is knowing the social expectation that we must always have a date lined up is fake news. Our minds are not built for constant dating. We require time for reflection and moments alone to grow. Even if we don’t choose it ourselves, the universe has a way of carving out time for us. If this is your current situation, think of it as playing a vital role in normalizing NOT constantly dating. You’re changing the world!
Speaking of time alone, you can spend this dating break focusing on yourself. It’s also a great segue topic to turn the “Are you dating anyone” question into. When someone inquires and there’s “no one” on the bill, say you’re taking care of yourself right now. This can be anything from new or past travel plans, opportunities in your career, or picking up a new hobby. Once you answer with something else for the inquirer to inquire upon the topic focus is no longer dating. It's subjects you can proudly speak upon.
Another way to spin the question is by making your own manifestation moment. Sure, there are no dates right now, but tomorrow is a new day. Answer the question by saying you’re open to meeting someone new. Shift the energy of the heavy question by answering with optimism. Set an intention while taking back control of your dating narrative.
Remember, who you’re dating or not dating is only the business of those you choose to tell. You’re not required to share any details about your dating life. Not saying to not confide in your friendships with any frustration you may feel in the matter of saying “no one.” But to acquittances, family members, or anyone who is just making normal conversation, you hold the power of how much you say. If you’re not comfortable yet saying “no one” or any of the above, just smile and wave like the Madagascar penguins.
On a serious note, there is no shame in saying you’re not dating anyone. As summer treks on, see the “no one” answer as a moment of pride in spending the season doing your favorite things. Focus on the happy moments already had and those to be had, not what you’re lacking. Starting with that mindset will reflect externally to those who ask, “Are you dating anyone new?”
Then you proudly reply, “Me.”
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