Are Singletons Expected to Settle Down?
Maybe it’s cuffing season or the influx of marriage and engagement photos piled on our feeds? Maybe it’s the dated social expectations for dating? Despite the rising interest in our love lives, why are singletons still asked when we are going to settle down?
We may not be asked word-for-word, but at some point, there’s an inquiry into our personal lives that leaves us feeling, well, inadequate. Being single isn’t a bad break or a brief stop on the road to marriage. It’s how many of us choose to live our lives, rather temporarily or for a time that is simply TBD.
Dating, by definition, is expanding, but not enough to erase the expectation that everyone dates for one outcome; to be married and to have children. Contrary to popular belief, people date for reasons beyond the status quo. One is dating for the experience. The idea of enjoying the benefits of being alone or dating without an agenda is a hard concept for some to understand. Such words are blasphemy to the opposing side. (Just check the comments in our Reel section..)
However, being single, by choice or circumstance, doesn’t automatically place us in line for settlement. But aren’t we told not to settle? How do we not settle, while also looking to settle down... We live in a world of contradictions with others’ opinions whirling around us like asteroids. And, when they occasionally make an impact, they hurt. Because as sound as we are in our singleton lives, there’s always a slight blow when someone asks us about our dating timeline.
But what people forget is everyone’s lives, and timelines are different.
Location, age, personal goals, professional goals, likes, and dislikes, all help us create our individual lives. Choosing to explore the world through dating doesn’t exempt us from feeling fulfilled. It’s an opportunity to discover parts of us that make us feel whole without the obligation to choose a path for our future. Dating around doesn’t have a time limit, and neither does being single. Settling down isn’t always the future. What is considered settling down these days? Is it a 1950s fantasy that didn’t age well?
Relationships are diverse. Settling down, if we must use the word, doesn’t have one definition. Your thoughts of settling down can be polyamorous, while others are monogamous. People plan for children, while others find solace in having none. Settled with only a partner, maybe a couple, or settled with living alone.
Understanding another’s life choices isn’t the key. It’s respecting them, despite their differences. As daters, we aren’t obligated to desire the same relationships as our friends or the generations that came before us. We can change our minds. To date, for experience, then later date for partnership. Maybe we don’t know if we want the picket white fence. Dating is enough for the moment, with multiple probable outcomes. And, we’re entitled to not know at all.
Unfortunately, the inquirers will continue to inquire, but how we process questions about our relationship status is up to us. We know what we want right now. We are dating for us, not for the future expected.
Dating is about the present, not the outcome. We don’t settle. We live.
Looking for more single inspiration? Head to our Single & Proud section! Better yet! Read The City of Dating, A Memoir.
