What to Order on the First Date

*Eating disorder trigger warning. If you or anyone you know has struggled or is struggling with an eating disorder, please contact NEDA.

Societal pressures taught us that eating too much or eating at all is not ladylike. We can’t have people thinking women overindulge or have no self-control. According to dated social expectations, eating is improper, and eating too much is unruly. The world has made women more self-conscious about eating. What kind of logic is that? Don’t they know that women also need food to survive?

For the past couple of years, society has made many leaps and bounds in shifting the idea of crash dieting and the one size fits all phenomenon. Yet, with all that progress, humility and self-doubt around eating still exist.

My first memory of this harsh reality was in middle school when everyone began liking boys and seventh-grade lunch tables started gender mixing. It was a spectacle I didn’t take part in, eating my daily chocolate muffin with my girlfriends on the stairs. Yet I knew enough girls from class who sat with *whispers* boys that I started seeing a change. 

The purpose of lunch was socialization and status climbing, which food could take no part in, especially in front of boys. Girls began eating after lunch, sneaking a bite or two in between classes when no one was looking. The most defying moment of my life was when a friend told me, “I don’t like to eat in front of boys. I’m self-conscious of it.”

To someone who rarely spoke to the opposite sex, such a comment confused me. I was only thirteen and the idea of restrictive eating was already being presented to me. I dreamed of receiving attention from boys the same way my friend did, so maybe a girl who didn’t eat was what boys liked? 

During this time, I noticed my own subtle development of restrictive eating. Checking myself: Is it not pretty to eat so much? Do boys find it ugly when I eat? Is that why boys don’t like me?

This new idea of restrictive eating didn’t reach me until junior year of high school when the societal pressures of being thin took hold of my developing mind. 

But what my friend said in middle school stuck with me through high school, college, and into my early adult years. She will stay with me until the end of time engraved in the back of my mind. Something I learned, then unlearned, and now use to remind myself to order the steak frites on a date. 

As we grow up and the naivety of it all wears off, the things we believed to be true when we were younger morph into internal debates about ourselves that we fight daily in our own minds. The simplest of tasks takes a heart full of confidence to complete. Such as, what to order on a date. 

One doesn’t want to be too eager. So, to achieve the proper date order, you order the salad. Simple and cheaper than the pork. Yet, what our minds don’t always tell us is that it’s a smaller portion than the other items on the menu. It’s less hardy, lower in carbs, easy to eat, and most importantly shows we aren’t “big” eaters. 

Unconsciously, we order based on what society deems as correct. It’s the thirteen-year-old part of our brains that believes men will view us differently if we order the heavenly-sounding gnocchi instead. 

We are afraid to eat because some fad told us it’s “not cute.” But what’s “not cute” is missing out on an amazing free meal because society told us to. I can’t help but think back on all the food I missed out on in order to look good, both at that moment and after. I feel bad for all the food I turned away that so badly wanted to be enjoyed. Does society even think about how their standards make food feel? I’m sure that gnocchi isn’t too happy about your salad order either.

But mostly, I’m sad about our salad order because it means so much more to us than just leaves and veggies on a plate. We should order what we want to on a date and stop worrying about what the person across the table thinks. They probably will order the gnocchi you had your eye on. And no one deserves to feel food envy on a date. We deserve the whole damn meal. 

It’s the little battles and the little wins that make for change. Ordering something other than the salad on a date defies what society taught us. It shows the little thirteen-year-old girl to not be ashamed of eating. To not feel ashamed for simply fueling our bodies.

Remind yourself of the comment my friend said to me long ago. Use her as a sign to order the gnocchi. Prove to that little girl that eating doesn’t make us less worthy. We are still beautiful eating a stack of ribs. We are the ladies who eat. 

I don’t want to look back and think I could have eaten that. We all should enjoy our food and enjoy it for ourselves. Next time you’re on a date, order what you want and order dessert while you’re at it. 

Preferably a chocolate muffin, if they have one. Thirteen-year-old me will be quite envious of that.