Should I FaceTime My Date Before Meeting IRL?
A World of Unexpected Firsts
With dating, it’s always good to try something new. New in the sense of getting out of your comfort zone and experiencing new ways of dating, as terrifying as it sounds. And I’m not talking about in the bedroom.
I’m late to the game of FaceTime dates, as I never experimented with the idea back in 2020. Unlike my fellow daters, I was in the trenches of my dates past, writing my dating memoir. We try to avoid the things that frighten us, but our dating fears catch up to us in the end. I shied from FaceTiming any date. FaceTiming after I’ve met the person IRL gives me heart palpitation but FaceTiming BEFORE meeting IRL… forget about it.
Well, I did until recently… FaceTiming my match on Hinge was not on my Thursday night agenda. Nothing was except sitting on the couch, digesting an edible, and watching the new Emma Thompson movie, Good Luck to You, Leo Grande. (a must-watch for singles of all ages FYI!)
I settled in for the night, texting my new match. The banter between us was immaculate, and I was feeling the ease of not questioning every text I sent. It’s a good sign when I don’t need to consult my friends for every stumping reply I get from a potential suitor.
I battled between my phone and hanging up and hanging out for a night alone. My witty match had other plans and suggested a FaceTime so he can show me a new song he was working on. I know. Stay with me here. I threw my phone, hoping to choose the latter. My initial thought was absolutely not.
Somehow between the edible and the “living for yourself” theme of the movie, I prepped for my FaceTime first date for the first time...
Oddly, I wasn’t as nervous as I expected to be. My approach: calm and collected. I kept reminding myself to be authentic. If I say something weird or do the odd thing where I talk until my mind has spasms, well so be it. If he doesn’t like me over FaceTime, then he doesn’t get the full-body experience.
To begin, FaceTime was, well, eye-opening. It was the perfect example of how someone texts don’t always translate to who they are, IRL. Despite if it’s for the better or worst. He fell somewhere in between the scale. The master of wit was timid in real-time. I’m sure he was nervous about the FaceTime like I was. How do we keep a conversation going on the phone with a stranger?
The whole idea is bizarre, but I’ve realized, a source of unique firsts. One being high, while a beautiful man serenades you through the phone. Face to face, and face to guitar. A doctor with a medical bag full of musical surprises. I braced myself for cringiness as he lifted the guitar to the screen, but as the cords played, I ate my internal words.
Awkwardness fell away, and I was just a girl on the other end of the phone being serenaded by a gorgeous man. Suddenly, I felt a wave of calm wash over me as a cheesy smile parted my lips. I was so relaxed I could have fallen asleep with this stranger on FaceTime. I thought that sort of thing only happened on TikTok. It was unusual and serene as I searched for words of praise when he strung the final cord. A FaceTime expected to be an awkward game of wit turned out to be my first serenading moment.
I was living in a Millennial dream where the 21st century meets Shakespeare, coming together to create an unorthodox romantic scene. A pivotal moment in my dating life. When the music faded and our conversations withered, though our length of conversation was surprising, having almost nothing to build on, the FaceTime ended with a plan to meet IRL. The entire experience left me perplexed. I left the call with an unexpected number of firsts checked off a list I didn’t know I had.
Our dating world is shifting again as we race for in-person connections, but maybe we shouldn’t forget about the gifts of technology. Tunnel vision might not be the approach. We’re craving in-person memories, yet there’s still a world of experiences left for us on our phones. It’s not reinventing, it’s adaptation. Adapting our dating world to involve multiple outlets of experiences. There are still many firsts waiting for daters, new experiences, and new stories. We just have to move outside of our comfort zones to find them.
FaceTiming can be a tool for merging reality with technology. It breaks the barrier to seeing who is truly behind the words of a new match. A look into their inner world that you don’t get to see on a date at a bar. FaceTiming is vulnerable and unplanned. Maybe we shouldn’t write off 2020 dating tools completely?
