How to Stop Using Your Phone on Dates
Tips on How to Stop Looking at Your Phone When Your Date or Friends Leave the Table. Plus, the Social and Personal Benefits!
Our phones are a unique tool in our dating lives. From the tips of our fingers, we can access a dating roster so vast it’s hard to look away. But look away, we must! It’s been long advised to take time away from our phones. Stepping away from the dating app scene, for a time, to avoid date exhaustion and finger strain. There should be a warning label on dating apps that state “Excessive swiping may cause finger pain.”
Consciously taking a break from our phones isn’t always easy, but the idea seems more achievable in the comfort of our own homes… alone. Our phones are a social construct. They have become our closest companions in all social interactions, even the ones we have with ourselves. Phones are there to scroll through mindless crap, avoid our problems, access apps that help us solve those problems, and save us from the agony of standing alone in any social situation.
The last one is the fallout we should challenge the most… well, in our dating lives at least. When our date goes to the bathroom or leaves to pay the bill, we are left alone with ourselves and the phone in our pocket. Like many daters before us, our first reaction to being alone, even for only a minute, is to grab our phones to block the awkwardness that lives exclusively in our own minds. The point is our own minds.
There was once a time when phones weren’t accessible to aid worrying minds. People waited at the corner, sat at the bar, and held the table without a phone. They just were alone because they had no other choice. As new-age daters, that’s our challenge: Don’t grab our phones when we are the only ones at the table (or bar).
It’s a skill that must be learned, but possible. I’ve spent the last year teaching myself to sit alone on dates, friend outings, and events. The temptation is real, but I’ve created tried and tested techniques to help us stay present with our environment and keep our noses out of our phones.
The Benefits
You’ll become more observant. On a date, you’ll be able to see how your date interacts with others at the bar without being too creepy. You can take in the space around you, making more vivid memories of the night and the person.
Promotes confidence. Nothing says self-confidence, like sitting at a bar alone. Once you remember no one is judging you because they are too busy with their own lives, you’re free. Sip your drink and watch the world around you.
Increases open energy. Our phones block the real world from entering our space. Not being on our phones creates more open energy, making us more approachable. We’re basically inviting connections from others around us. If you’re out with friends, the space you create encourages potential suitors to rizz you up!
Now you know the benefits, here are tips for how to avoid grabbing your phone.
Hold your drink in your hand. This solves the “don’t know what to do with your hands” debacle. Lean back in your chair or lean forward on the table and sip your drink as you people watch. No drink? Try perusing the menu. Only if there’s a physical one, don’t cheat.
At the bar? Watch the bartender make drinks. Finding something non-creepy to watch is the perfect place to rest your eyes and keep you preoccupied. Also, you can use your observation as a conversation starter when your date returns.
Be bold. Talk to the person beside you. If they are sitting alone, ask them about their drink or compliment them on their outfit. It’s scary, but talking to other humans is normal. This one may take some practice, but it’s something to think about…
Role play in your head. We are all the main characters in our story. Imagine you’re in one of your favorite Rom Coms. They are never on their phones. Be the protagonist you’ve always dreamt of being. By the time you’re done directing the scene, your date or friend will have returned.
Remember, actively not looking at your phone takes practice. Give yourself grace if you reach for your phone after a few seconds. The more you set the intention and practice, the longer you’ll go. Just think of how satisfying the moment will be when you make eye contact with your date when they return to the table. Flash them a smile and be the main character that you are.
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