A Cliché, Not So Cliché Single Woman Over 40
Reinventing the Solicited and Unsolicited Dating Advice After 40
By Sarah Victoria
July 5, 2023
So, yeah, here I am—that cliche 40-year-old woman, who could never figure out why guys will talk to her but don’t want to actually date her. Here’s the advice everyone gives me— whether it’s solicited or not and why I’m still confused.
Learn to be alone.
This advice confuses me because I finished three degrees—one during the pandemic.
Develop a hobby.
This advice equally confuses me because I published over 20 fictional books—none of these were successful but flip over to all of the other publications on the nonfiction side, and I have victories.
Rethink your social media posts.
Now, my grandcat does have an OnlyFans. Rolosonlyfans. It may not be the pussy people want to see, but he’s got 12 fans and made $17 in tips. #cultfollowing I am athletic and spend summers at the pool with my girlfriends; however, why is this everyone’s hyper-focus? Additionally, why am I being shamed for working out or going to a pool or beach with my girlfriends or family? I have more posts that share so many other things— Mardi Gras, holidays, friends, art, family, books, and nature!
Develop higher self-esteem.
That’s my whole question with this inquiry. Why don’t people see any value in me?
Then stop being so arrogant.
Given my dating pool of applicants, that’s proof right there I really don’t have anything to brag about.
Trash-talking isn’t attractive.
Neither is using people, wasting their time, or confusing them.
You go after the wrong guys.
Women are attracted to jerks. Is this why I liked Trump? Jk! I’d love Kanye if that were the case. I’ve given nice guys a chance too, but they always shoot their shot at turning the conversations into a free 900 number. (I’m showing my age. I know.) No, thanks. However, I am not settling. I have ambitions, goals, and things like health and laughter are important to me. If I can’t find someone near my level, how are we going to grow together if I settle for a nice guy, who is content with the status quo? NO!
Learn to cook.
I’m not a fan of cooking, but I thought I reached a happy medium when I met guys that loved to cook and I could in turn clean. 50/50 partnership; no takers? Fine, I can microwave Hot Pockets like no one’s business! Their loss. Besides, why would I cook for a guy to give him strength from my food to cheat on me anyway?
Be more domestic.
I guess if I was born in the 1800s I’d understand this better. My house is pretty clean. I do my own yard work. I lightly decorate for the holidays and generally run an organized household, so I don’t get this either.
Put up boundaries.
I’ve gotten better at this. I don’t answer the ten pm late-night texts. I don’t owe random strangers explanations. I won’t blab my life story. (While that seems not the case in this essay, I am trying to better understand this piece of advice.)
Stop finding your worth in men.
If you asked me who I was, I’d tell you a writer (since I could hold a pencil, which is why it’s stated first before I had the kids and pets), a mother and a grandma to 1,000 cats and a bird and a dog— all rescues.
Stop being a cat lady.
I own no pets. These are my grown daughters’ pets. What’s wrong with cat ladies anyway? Cats are pretty interesting. I also never realized how much personality a bird can have!
Set a better example for your kids.
Worry about them and stop putting men first. My daughters, who I raised as single mom, graduated with their bachelor’s degrees at 19 and 20. They were five the first time I went out (aside from school or work), and that date was with my dad!
You’re not woman enough.
This is a really weird projection, and don’t worry. Insults are a big red flag and red flags get dropped.
Stop comparing yourself to others.
The grass isn’t always greener on the other side. Relationships have cons too that you don’t have to deal with… says every woman who doesn’t pay her own mortgage or appreciate even the small things their man does for them. Just saying.
Stop ranting! Okay. Done now.
