Did I Get Ghosted? What to Do When Someone Ghosts You
How to Not Text After Being Ghosted and Ways to Regain Dating Confidence
📷: @stevie_jadeeGhosting is still a thing. You’d think we’ve exhausted this topic enough to change the system, but maybe we’ve exhausted it past comprehension. You’ve read about it, talked about it, experienced it, and done it. Ghosting is one of dating’s worst offenses and impactful teachers. People continue to ghost even after many exorcism attempts. Like its name, it’s stuck somewhere between dater’s hell and heaven. While some daters understand the damaging effects of ghosting, others can’t seem to grasp the simple concept of dating kindness.
The dating world has been discussing ghosting for, what feels like, uncountable years. Yet so many daters are still dealing with unanswered texts and disappearing dates. As ghosting reflects the one who ghosts, it shows how some people still aren’t getting the anti-ghosting message.
What is ghosting?
Ghosting is when a person unexplainably stops communication with another person they’re dating or in a relationship with. Ghosting can occur after a first date, multiple dates, or even months of dating. In worst cases, people can ghost in committed long-term relationships… these ghosts may not be worth the exorcism. Ghosting happens when the person you’re dating stops replying to texts, avoids calls, or stops any form of communication. It’s considered ghosting after about three days of no contact. We can factor in life emergencies for logical reasoning, but people are capable of a short text update after two days. Especially after establishing consistent communication and dating.
I was ghosted. What do I say?
If someone has ghosted you after three to four dates or fewer, nothing. Wanting to make contact is natural. Our egos feel bruised, so we must reprimand. However, pleading for contact or an explanation only strokes the ghost’s ego, not our own. Seeking clarity after being ghosted is not wrong, but before you press the send button, think about why you’re sending it. Blaming texts only fuels the fire, leaving you feeling worse. When you ask to see them again, you’re feeding disappointment. Don’t give the ghost the power or your time. Keep those for yourself to use on something that feels good to you. If you must send a text after being ghosted, tell them you’re sad about how it ended and to not contact you again.
What do I do when someone ghosts me, instead of texting them?
Talk to someone close to you or a therapist.
Let out your frustrations before you send them flying into cyberspace. Making the active decision to talk about your feelings will help you work through them. What feels like annoyance may have some valid sadness lying underneath. Reflection allows you to feel each emotion instead of avoiding them. Once you get a handle on your feelings, you’ll be able to step back and examine the situation clearly. Friends or a therapist will also offer some validation, which is needed when you’re ghosted.
Make yourself busy.
Ask friends to hang out, take a workout class, or go to the park and leave your phone at home. Do activities that not only fill your time but also make you feel happy. Choose to put yourself first. By doing things that bring you joy will help cultivate positivity in your life. You’ll soon see how abundant your life is without the person who ghosted you. Flip the narrative. Look how full your life is. What a bummer the ghost missed an opportunity to be a part of it.
List cons and red flags about the person and/or relationship.
The moment you step away from the relationship, the clearer the past becomes. The ultimate red flag, ghosting, opens Pandora's box of all the previous red flags you missed. To ensure complete digestion, write a list of all the red flags you remember through the ghosting process. If that is intimidating, make mental notes when you think of them. As the list grows, any attachment to them will slowly disappear. It’s also a great referencing tool to use when they reach back out. Because they will. Stay steadfast in your decisions.
Explore going on other dates… when you’re ready
Despite the dating time before the ghost, a recovery period is important. Everyone experiences ghosting differently. Before dating again, take time to feel whole again. A fulfilling dating life starts with you. To show up positively, we must be confident in ourselves and our goals. Once we feel ready, we can explore new connections. If we connected with another person, around the time we met the person who ghosted us, try shifting the focus back to the other connection. Starting from scratch? Practice being open to meeting someone IRL again or mindfully reopening dating apps.
Ghosting is not a reflection of you or your capabilities to cultivate a healthy relationship. It is a direct example of the ghosts’ unhealthy dating habits and current inability to form healthy relationships. View ghosting as the final red flag. The validator of minor beige and red flags that you overlooked. Though it is a rejection, the redirection is to something better. Your decision to move on quietly, or even with a hard-stop text, is your ticket to a future, healthier relationship.
Read more!
Is There A Time When Ghosting is Necessary?