How to Use Dating App Filters in Real Life to Avoid Dating Fatigue
Using Our Personal Date Picker and Texting Red Flags to Score Better First Dates
📷: @stevie_jadeeWe’re told the more first dates we go on, the more fun dating will become. After an unforgiving trend of bad dates, that dating advice feels like a quick fix. An off-brand Band-Aid that misses the point completely. Dating is enjoyable when we have the right tools to make it so for ourselves as individuals. Throwing dates at a wall until something sticks works until we lose our glue. The adhesive that keeps us from falling into dating fatigue.
Dating because we believe we must isn’t enough to keep the sparks flying. Though dating leads to relationships, it’s our relationship with dating that generates joy. When dating disappoints us, we feel betrayed and emotionally exhausted. Bad dates feel as if we’ve lost consistency. Relationships come with challenges, and our relationship with dating is no different. To trust the process, we need to understand our date picker. Ourselves.
How do we build a healthier relationship with dating and experience better first dates?
Like dating app filters, we create our personal dating filters, our wants and needs. Dating app filters have provided us with different ways to adjust our dating preferences. Each filter is meant to cleanse the dating pool of anyone less than compatible. But AI doesn’t have feelings. What happens when we meet someone IRL and don’t have our phones to pre-screen? Dating online or organically, the time comes when we must trust ourselves to know who’s datable. No one can guarantee a good first date, not even Whitney Wolfe Herd. However, we can increase our ratio of good first dates by dating better, not harder.
How is this done?
Understanding our goals for dating and the qualities we want in partners. Make a mental note or for extra adhesive write what you’re currently looking for in a relationship or dating. Are you looking to date someone consistently? A progressive relationship into something potentially serious? Meeting new people through casual dating? There’s no wrong answer. Next, explore the qualities you want in a partner or someone you’re dating. Are they passionate about a career? Supportive? Can banter? Takes initiative? Friendship-focused? Family-oriented? Nomadic lifestyle?
Next, start a running list of red flags. From dates past, things you’ve witnessed in your friend’s relationships, or general icks, writing red flags down will make you more aware of them. Contrary to belief, we don’t have to meet someone in real life to catch early on set red flags. Texting or chatting over the phone can give us intel into the person they are. Texting red flags is a thing and extremely helpful in dating app situations. Unfortunately and fortunately, first impressions are everything for online dating. If your match says something off or you’re not feeling the vibe, you can end the match. You do not; I REPEAT FOR THE DATE PRESSURES IN THE BACK. You don’t have to go on a date for the sake of a date.
But how do we use our dating filters when we meet someone organically?
There’s a reason for writing our thoughts. It engraves our self-consciousness. Then knocks on intuition’s door when challenged. Conversations trigger our instincts. When we meet someone at a bar, party, or the ultimate dream, Trader Joe’s, we know what feels right versus wrong. Each dater has innate buzzwords or phrases that intrigue or deter us. How do we know our buzzwords? Some we can catch and others live solely in our self-consciousness. We just have to be in tune with ourselves enough to hear them buzz in our ears.
A good place to start is by branching off your red flags. What words or phrases do we use consistently? How can people use these in conversation? It may sound something like, I don’t know what I’m looking for, I can hardly get away from my computer during the week, I jump from place to place, and so on. Buzzwords can also lead us to successful dates. These usually coincide with our personal hobbies or interests. Talking about positive friendships, sports (interested or non-interested), adventuring, etc.
Being in tune with our likes and dislikes in relationships makes us a better judge of who is compatible with us. These people we pick with good judgment may not become the last person we date. But we build a foundation for a decent first date. Enjoying a first date helps us trust our relationship with dating. Nothing is guaranteed. Bad dates are important for our growth. But by understanding ourselves, we can find joy in dating again.