How to Let Our Freak Flag Fly

Summer is underway. A time for singles to explore themselves through serendipitous dates, steamy one-night stands, and intriguing eye contact with the sweaty hottie on the Citi Bike. With our bronzed skin, sun-kissed hair, and the sunscreen-rich smell on our skins, we are instantly more attractive to any innocent bystander. Everyone and everything seem to just make sense in the summer. All but one thing… dating apps.

For a season that is meant for short romances, our tech allies don’t seem to put in their fair share of the work. Especially the ones with membership fees…

As I trudge through the weeds of dating apps, I wonder if the entire single summer roster has rebooted itself or if there’s a glitch in the algorithm. Worse, the single roster locked it down for the summer and did a seasonal change. If that’s the case, we are all screwed. And not in the way we prefer.

Our libidos are up, but our dating app match count is depleting. Hinge is not hinging. Raya is comical. Gen Z rules the Lex app. And Bumble who? The only app that seems to be slightly working is Feeld. 

Disappointing is an understatement. The first couple of weeks of summer is crucial. We are all getting into the mojo. Connecting with our inner hot bodies, we’ve prepped the suits, slathered our bodies with oil, ready to jump right into the dating pool. Except we’ve arrived at a paddling pool with a no-diving sign.

How are we to let our summer freak flag fly with no poles to attach it to?

Sure, meeting people IRL is an option. But let’s be real. No one has the balls anymore to chat you up. And you can’t be bothered to care if they do, especially if you are enjoying the sultry summer night with your friends. A summer catch (no matter its length) must be some sort of special. Not everyone has the luxury of knowing single friends that double as possible suitors. Then those friends have their single friends. The friend groups that have blossomed from various colleges to then meet in one place joining in young and thriving hotness. If that’s you, add it to your gratitude journal at night. Enjoy it. You’re blessed.

For the rest of us, the ones with friend groups with no sexual tension, coming from a college with no potential suitors, or too Millennial to no longer dabble in the consistent weekend bar hopping festivities, our summer romances hang in an algorithm balance. It’s exhausting opening the app with the possibility of twenty likes only to match with one out of desperation after rejecting the last nineteen suitors. To the new head of “algorithm” at Hinge, it’s not working. 

Playing devil’s advocate, at least Hinge is giving us something to work with. On Raya, along with being it’s too cool for school manner, no one wants to start the chat with you. We have ten days to start the conversation and ten days to let it pass us by. It’s a fight to the unmatched who will first break the coolness and start the conversation. If you’re hoping for a man on there to message you first, don’t hold your breath. You’ll be floundering for air like a fish out of water.

Obviously, the algorithms don’t care about our angry libidos. Robots can’t feel down there. So, it’s time to take the matter into our own hands and explore new methods of summer exploration. One’s that may take us out of our comfort zones and into the deep end.

The first being we may have to start the conversations ourselves. Forfeit the battle of who starts the chat first. Pick a subject and press send. We may lose the battle, but we will win the war. You won’t be caring that you shoot your shot on a dating app when you're enjoying a summer drink with a seasonal hottie sitting across from you. Don’t think too hard about it. Type whatever comes to mind and send it into the code. 

We might be due to discovering new dating apps. It’s hard breaking away from the apps that make us feel comfortable, but doing what makes us uncomfortable gets us to the next stage. Try downloading Thursday or Feeld. They may hold the fish in the sea you’ve been searching for. 

Last, the most intimidating of them all, talk to the person at the bar. Making eye contact? Walk over and say hi. Ordering drinks at the bar? Turn your head and spark up a conversation. If nothing comes of it, so what? Your approach will only flatter the person. The chance of failing is worth the possibility of starting one of those serendipitous New York summer nights. Unplanned and indescribable. 

As much as we rely on dating apps for our next summer fling, they don’t know us. Confirmed many times by their lack of exciting matches. Unsure if the algorithm or the dating pool is to blame, the time has come for us to take matters into our own hands. If dating apps won’t let our summer freak flag fly, then we will build our own poles for them to soar from. Hold on to your libidos, the battle of the summer singles has commenced.

For more dating tips, explore our dating advice column. Discover our summer playlists for all the season’s moods!