There’s nothing quite like seeing the name of your crush pop up on your screen saver. Even if it was only ten minutes, the annoying anticipation for their reply is over. Seeing their newly saved name on your phone makes your stomach twist, then twist on itself again the moment you realize you have feelings for them. 

After a few excellent dates, you’ve both solidified your off-screen connection with easy conversation and genuine laughter. The stars are aligning, except for one. Texting compatibility. Your chemistry doesn’t seem to transfer on-screen. Their reply, “haha”, just isn’t cutting it. It can be incredibly frustrating when the chemistry you feel in person is different during texting. If you’re feeling unheard in your on-screen chats with your date, you’re not alone.

Considering poor texting as a potential reason to stop dating someone feels silly. But the disappointing feeling that comes from opening an unenthusiastic text from your crush may not be worth enduring. The tech verse has undoubtedly made texting a crucial form of communication in any relationship. Ignoring the impact of texting on a growing romantic relationship is ignoring our wants and needs. Like words of affirmation are a love language, so is texting. Think about the last good morning text you received. Did it feel good?

Alleviating the pain of dating a bad texter starts with defining our personal texting style. How do we prefer to communicate with our partners when we are apart, and how do we expect them to communicate? Everyone operates differently. We’d become emotionally exhausted if we changed our texting style for everyone we date. Sure, there are compromises, but shouldn’t sacrifice something that is important to us.

Start by asking these questions…

Do I like to text throughout the day?

Are morning and night check-in texts enough?

Do I want to know what’s happening the moment it happens, or can I wait for an end-of-the-day recap?

Do I like to discuss serious matters or is texting for banter only?

Are multiple texts in a row the enthusiasm I’m looking for, or is a one-word reply enough?

These questions may look ridiculous, but they’re far from stupid. Texting is a love language and maybe it’s yours. Knowing the answer to some of these questions might eliminate the agony of staying with someone who doesn’t speak your text language. Why stay frustrated with a poor texter when we can communicate our needs?

A broken line of communication can be the first hurdle for a budding relationship, no matter the status. Not feeling fulfilled in your text communication is worth having a conversation about. And it doesn’t need to be sit-down serious. On your next date, causally bring up how the other’s texting style makes you feel. Some conversation starters may sound like…

I think we already talked about XYZ over text, but your reply made me unsure of how you felt about XYZ.

Are you a big texter?

I’ve noticed you’re not always on your phone. Do you try to stay off it during the day? 

Are you a call or text person?

Asking a simple question may induce the start of a deeper conversation. If the other person is receptive, you’ll be able to share what you expect from a partner’s texting. There’s a large possibility they didn’t know how their texting was making you feel and want to work with you to compromise. Now, if the person doesn’t understand or makes you feel silly for bringing it up, then you might have saved yourself from months of text frustration. 

This type of love language is not about having the same texting style as the person you're dating (though it can be), but it is listening to each other’s needs and learning/wanting to accommodate. If words of affirmation are your love language, wouldn’t you want the other person to know?

Texting is complex and is the root of unnecessary dating anxiety. Discussing texting with your crush or partner is legitimate. Texting is a love language, and your want for good morning text is valid!

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