How to Get Back on the Dating Horse
5 Steps to Start Dating Again After a Breakup or Mental Health Break
📷:@stevie_jadeDating never follows a straight line. It’s slightly intoxicated trying to balance along the white hard shoulder of life. Dating isn’t looking onto flat lands and seeing what’s ahead as far as the blue sky reaches. Instead, we travel on shaky horseback across the hills, plains, and racing rivers with a sore pubic bone somewhere, I imagine, in Montana. The movement of our dating lives makes up the journey. A journey that continues to challenge our beliefs and value system shaping us into the people we are.
With the dating highs come the dating lows that slowly level into a calm stream for us to pass into the next chapter of our dating lives. Yet, the stream is warm and easy to float. It’s hard to find the motivation to step out to the other side. After a breakup or dating mental health break, pushing ourselves to get back on the horse is daunting. We’ve done the work to fall in love with ourselves again, but we’re scared to catch the shivers if we jump out of the water too quickly.
But the cold jolt might be what we need to get back on the dating horse. We are in control of our dating life. The pace is ours to choose. We don’t need to crack the reins and barrel forward. We can ease our way back on our dating path if the direction is forward.
To lure you out of the stream and mount your dating horse, here are key steps to follow to prepare you for the next chapter and help you confidently guide your dating life.
Write three things you want in a partner and in a future relationship.
I say three because once you write, the rest will pour out of you. Don’t focus solely on physical aspects. Also, talk about how you want to be treated, their personality, and even how they connect with strangers and friends. Visualize your ideal relationship. This can be anything. Forget what the rest of the world says is an “ideal“ relationship. For example, I don’t need a partner who lives in the same place as me. I want a relationship that allows my partner and I to travel together or separately.
Start making plans with your friends to go out to bars or social events.
The intention isn’t to go out to meet someone that night. It is allowing yourself to be social again with your environment. Small, happy interactions with people will help nurture your confidence in who you are and your ideas. The key is jumping back into conversation with the world around you. Enjoy being you.
Re-download/ reopen dating apps that align with you NOW.
This could include deleting or unsubscribing from apps that don’t make you feel good, or you didn’t connect with the type of people on the app. Again, reintroducing dating apps is a slow burn. Don’t put pressure on having to match with people immediately to set up a date. Keep a steady pace and don’t force a match just for a date. The date will come—give it time. There are always possibilities for IRL connections—hence the first step.
Continue or add affirmations/meditation into your routine.
We’re getting back on the horse but keeping the serenity of the stream in our subconsciousness. All the lessons we learned from our past relationship or dating break shouldn’t be forgotten. Staying our biggest fans is crucial for upholding our new beliefs and fighting for what we deserve. Choose what works best for you — saying affirmations in the mirror, journaling your thoughts, or meditating for five minutes a day. These self-love practices will keep you aligned with yourself, which is what makes our dating lives enjoyable.
Push yourself out of your comfort zone to go on a first date.
Your first date back in the game may not be the best, but it will get the juices flowing. Look at the date as an opportunity to meet someone new. No strings or expectations. You’re giving yourself an opportunity to have a positive conversation about yourself and learn about someone’s life and culture. Not every date leads to another, and that’s okay. Go on the date to show off the work you’re done on yourself.
Remember to give yourself grace. Revisit each step whenever you need to. Follow your gut, but also push past the fear. The key is knowing when your gut is leading with wisdom or with fear. Getting back on the dating horse is scary, but your journey awaits you. A sore pelvic floor is a sign of a path less traveled!