What Casual Dating Means and What Something Casual Means in Relationships

Casual dating is simply another dating preference. Often misinterpreted as negative, casual dating is a choice to date without the expectation of commitment. Depending on individual dating journeys, people choose casual dating while focusing on other areas of their lives. Despite being a valid dating option, it can quickly become the culprit in unintentional situationships. Miscommunication and selective hearing are the primary causes. 

Casual dating is frustrating for someone looking to form a committed relationship. Daters can accidentally start a causal relationship if they don’t discuss dating goals early on. Only to find out the other person doesn’t want something more once feelings are involved. Casual dating can be tricky to navigate and casual daters are even tricker to spot (if they are bad at communicating). We should understand what casual dating means before we break down how to spot casual daters (whether you’re looking for them or not). 

What is casual dating?

Casual dating and relationships are non-committal emotional and/or physical relationships between two or more people. Entering something casual is the intention to go on dates and enjoy relaxed company with the option of casual sex. Casual dating does not have the goal of a “serious” relationship. Examples of casual relationships are short-term relationships and friends with benefits. In healthy casual relationships, those involved agree to casual intentions. Without the expectations of a romantic relationship. 

People choose to date casually for many reasons. Casual relationships and dating are a great way to meet new people, explore sexuality, and experience alternative forms of relationships. Casual dating can be a tool for discovering our needs, wants, and even our dating goals. Typically, when dating is not the priority in someone’s life, they may decide to date casually to focus on other objectives or life goals. However, casual dating can become a nuisance in our dating life when we are looking for something more serious. For those of us looking for a committed relationship, sifting through casual daters can be exhausting. Especially the casual daters who don’t clearly share their dating goals. Or even worse, when they do, but we don’t want to believe them. 

So, if you’re searching for a casual dater or looking to avoid casual dating, here is how to spot casual relationships. (Before you realize you’re in another situationship)

Casual dating on dating apps. 

Dating apps are the easiest place to find a casual dater and easier to miss when we’re not paying attention. The straightforward approach to finding a casual dater is by looking at their dating preferences. Look for profiles that state, “short-term relationship”, “figuring out dating goals”, or “short-term, open to long.” Their immediate intention is to date casually. Don’t get caught up on “open to long.” Since they stated they are looking for a short-term first, a casual relationship is their priority. It can still be casual and long. If you are not interested in any type of casual relationship, they probably aren’t for you. Believe what you read. 

We can also find casual daters in prompts and conversation. This takes reading between the lines. Those looking for casual relationships may answer prompts with travel plans, travel tips, or state they are constant travelers. (Unless they are looking for a travel partner, and that’s your MO.) They may also share they have a hectic schedule or fast-paced lifestyle. Dating takes a level of commitment, even casual dating. If they seem like they don’t have time to give to it, think twice before swiping right. 

Okay, you’ve matched and made it to messaging. The biggest casual dater sign, or general red flag, is if they don’t suggest switching to text or meeting in person. Their lack of initiative shows they have little interest in going on a date. No matter your dating goals, it’s important to meet someone face-to-face (FaceTime or IRL) as soon as possible. This lessens the possibility of faux text compatibility and unnecessary dating expectations. 

Am I in a casual relationship? (And don’t know it.)

The easiest way to know someone’s dating goals is by asking. Communication is the key to building any type of relationship, including something casual. It doesn’t need to be on the first date or a big declaration. It may feel uncouth to ask, but anyone who is confident in their dating goals and needs will be open to the question. Someone who is looking for something casual (and knows it) will tell you. The same goes for someone looking for a committed relationship, even if it begins as a slow burn.

The kicker is listening to what your date is saying. If they say they want something casual, they mean it. It’s a hard pill to swallow, but you won’t change their mind. Even if you guys have a great date. This is when we shouldn’t read between the lines. Take what your date says at face value. If it doesn’t align with your dating goals, move on. 

For those who don’t directly tell you what they want, their actions will show their dating intentions. Signs they want to keep things casual may include constantly rescheduling dates, not texting/talking between dates, and leaving extended periods (vacations/ work trips depending) between dates. They may also refrain from talking about close future dates/experiences together and keep other areas of their life separate from you. It’s easy to fall into place with these actions, but if casual is not your goal, take time to evaluate what you want with this person. Once you get a handle on your feelings, you need to ask them what their intentions are. A good place to start is by asking if they are dating other people. Approach with understanding when asking the question. Be open to what their goals are. Once you hear their thoughts, you can decide what action is best for YOU. 

Before deciding to date casually or avoid them, evaluate your dating goals. What you want is the best tool for navigating dating. Once you’re confident in your current wants, you can easily communicate them to dates and potential partners. 

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