Steps to Be Confident and Single During the Holidays. Creating a Personal Safe Space.

Some are training for the turkey trot, but have they ever tried training to be single during the holidays? Sure, we can run a couple of 5Ks before the big turkey day, but mentally preparing for relationship interrogation takes a whole other level of strength. 

Single on the holidays feels daunting. Partly because society has made it that way and partly because it would be nice to have someone to share endless pie slices with. There’s no holiday rule that says we must have a partner to enjoy it. But unfortunately, walking into a family dinner filled with uncles and cousins you see once or twice a year makes our singleness the focal point of the room.

Suddenly, after not speaking to you all year, they want to know what’s up with your dating life. It feels intrusive. We don’t ask how their marriage is going or why they’ve been posting suspicious Facebook quotes. But alas, there’s no controlling what comes out of other’s mouths or societies’ unnecessary pressure to have a holiday date. There are, however, things we can do to lessen how much these pressures and comments affect us. We can protect our peace and keep our focus on what matters…. food and seeing the family members that fill our cups (metaphorically and physically with more champagne). 

The first step of the How to be Single on Thanksgiving Training Guide is to make pre-dinner boundaries. Know what and how much you want to share with your friends and family on Thanksgiving. You get to decide who is privy to your dating life and not everyone deserves all the juicy details. If someone makes unnecessary comments, decide beforehand if you want to be on the defending team or just let them slide off you. Sometimes it’s better to kill them with silence. You won’t cure societal ignorance one night. Choose your battles for your sake!

And if silence isn’t for you, prepare with comebacks! If someone intrusively asks about your dating life and it doesn’t feel genuine, have some replies ready in your back pocket to end the conversation. Try… 

“I’m following what feels good for me at the moment and taking my time to find the right person.”

“Right now, I’m in my ME era. Dating is not my focus.” 

“It’s going well, but I’ll spare you the details. Can you pass the stuffing?”

When the stuffing gets too much, find personal space or go sit next to your family bestie for a chat. It’s valid to take time away from yourself. You can say you’re going to take a nap or walk after the turkey. Go to the bathroom, get some fresh air, meditate, or try to breathe work. Regulate your system and refocus on what matters today. Or if you need to let out the frustration, talk to someone you trust or your confidant who also gets annoyed with that one family member. Sometimes just saying it out loud helps you let it go for the day… at least until you can chat to your therapist or coach. 

And lastly, be YOU! Don’t let other people’s opinions control how you enjoy the day. It’s your dating life, your choice. Your way to a relationship doesn’t have to look like others at the dinner table. Don’t give them the power to ruin your turkey day. Remember the people who support your truth and text them for a little love and support. Your light deserves to be seen, and that’s something to be thankful for!

But at the end of the day, a change of perspective can help soften the day. Not everyone has a family to go to for Thanksgiving, especially one that loves you… even though they can be a little pesky about your dating life sometimes. Having a unit is something to be thankful for.

If you’re finding yourself alone on Thanksgiving, try volunteering at your closest food center or getting connected with doings in your community. Strangers can bring a fulfilling love into your day. Or take the initiative in bringing together your friends around the holidays. Friendsgiving is always nice, but it can be as simple as having people over for drinks or game night. And if you’re a small friend group kind of person and everyone’s away, go to your local diner for a Thanksgiving meal.

There’s love to be found and many things to be thankful for. And if you’re at the diner, be thankful you don’t have a nagging family member disturbing your peace as you bite into a juicy gravy-covered turkey slice.