Rejecting The Alone For The Holiday Narrative and What to Say When People Question Your Relationship Status

'Tis the season for when singles should feel sub-conscious of their relationship status. The holiday season is notorious for trying to persuade the sturdiest of singletons that they need a date for their holiday parties. The pressure that lends a hand to the cuffing season phenomenon. Whether we make a conscious decision to be single or are proactively casually dating, our level of confidence in our singleness can vary. Thus, causing the outdated relationship assumptions to affect us differently. 

You may roll your eyes, rejecting the alone for the holiday’s narrative. I am too. Who wants to subscribe to the “poor me, I’m single” narrative when it’s a flex, not a weakness? Despite our comfort in being single, there’s one person in our holiday travels who doesn’t understand our solo happiness. Their ignorance or pure delusion will try (deliberately or not) to destabilize our single confidence. Some of us claim it doesn’t affect us. And for many, it may not. But for those it does, even just a little… I promise I won’t tell anyone… we can feel the sting and come back swinging.

The feeding grounds for relationship status chatter include holiday parties, Thanksgiving gatherings, and family dinners. Natural conversations about who we’re dating come up followed by the outdated “Don’t worry, you’ll find someone when you least expect it.” A blow to our singleness disguised in kindness. Which it usually derives from… honest kindness that society said was supportive. We are comfortable in our singleness. But society does not teach, allow, or show everyone how to achieve such solo greatness. They don’t get it. It doesn’t mean unnecessary comments or questions about our dating life are okay. But it also is not our job to educate. Not when there’s delicious food waiting to be consumed…

Instead, we make better use of our time by prepping ourselves for potential questioning about being alone for the holidays. For my strong-headed singles out there, you can use these tips in the bathroom when you need a minute… again, your secret is safe with me. 

First, give yourself grace and tell yourself it’s okay to be alone for the holidays. Then say it’s okay to feel sad, even if it’s just for a moment.

It’s normal to not have a date for your holiday parties. We can use going solo as an opportunity to meet another holiday single or simply enjoy spending quality time with the people we love. There’s no one to keep tabs on. We can just be. Stay longer or leave earlier. It’s up to us. But, for the moment you feel sad for standing alone, let yourself feel it. Savor the moment because that human feeling won’t be forever. 

Before going to a holiday party or dinner… write three things you’re proud of right now.

It doesn’t have to relate to dating. Though giving yourself kudos for a dating win is never a bad idea. This helps bring achievements to the forefront of our minds. It not only boosts our confidence but also gives us topics to steer the dinner conversation away from our relationship status. Our greatness isn’t just our singleness. 

Feeling overwhelmed at the party… excuse yourself to the bathroom or outside. 

We all need a moment. Especially when our private life is the hot topic of the night. Or maybe we’re feeling claustrophobic from the enclosing couples. Allow a few minutes to just be alone and collect your thoughts. Look in a mirror or softly recite to yourself how amazing you are. Start with this… I am beautiful. I am on the right path. I am kind. I am open. There is no one like me. This is my moment. 

For the one person who won’t stop probing at your dating life… end the conversation with self-confidence. 

Respond to excessive questioning by stating, “I am content with my dating life. Please excuse me, I’m going to get leftovers.” You don’t need to explain yourself or your dating situation. If you want to be more prepared for relationship questions at holiday dinners, write three responses before you go. This will keep them fresh in your mind whenever you need to pull in the recruits.

Wherever you find yourself on the holidays, keep your heart and mind the priority. The alone for the holiday narrative can sneak up when we least expect it… or when we deny it. Remember, your relationship desires don’t need to look like those around you or the dinner table opinions. Like, how cool is it you’re on your own path?