How Society’s “Wrong” Decisions Help Us Find the Right Person

The age-old debate of how to handle a new relationship strikes again. There’s an endless list of all the right things we should do to guarantee a second date. Don’t sleep with them on the first date. Wait for them to set up the next date. Don’t be too available. It’s exhausting constantly trying to do the right thing.

But what if we don’t have to? Maybe doing the wrong thing can help us in the long run. A night out with our friends gets the juices flowing, and exactly what led me to this revelation. As my friends and I sipped our beers on a gloomy Monday, we debated our dating lives, catching up on the new, the old, and the forgotten. There’s nothing like a reminder you’re over someone than when a friend asks about an old fling, and you don’t know what they're talking about.

After a great, steamy first date with a new Hinge man, the sexual tension between us had me wanting to go fishing for more. My city-corner make-out with my date seeped into my dreams and spiked my libido. But would sleeping with him after the first date lead me into yet another situationship?

A light flickered on in the darkly dim pub when my friend simply stated, “Doing the wrong thing won’t matter if it’s the right guy.” Her wisdom-packed statement caused quite a mental OMG moment. The contradiction of the words wrong and right made perfect sense.

Let’s put it into the perspective of texting.

In the early courting stages, it’s hard to gauge the humor and wit of your new prospect. There’s a timid fear they may not understand our banter, so we look to our friends to write a perfect reply. In line with the dating advice of not overthinking, saying the first thing that comes to mind may be a solid indicator of compatibility. Rather, you’re looking for an FWB, causal relationship, or long-term cuddler.

Not to say we should never ask our friends for text advice, but we shouldn’t fear the inevitable of saying the wrong thing, or in my case, doing the wrong thing. Like sleeping with them before the second date. Sexual compatibility doesn’t come around as often as in the movies. Sex is natural, and wanting to have sex is as natural as it comes. Of course, there are many factors that make up said decisions. It’s important to be choosing the next steps with our best interests in mind, despite whether they lie within or between society’s versions of right and wrong.

It all falls back to accepting someone, flaws, and all. So, why not start in the beginning? Dating doesn’t follow a script. There’s no set of rules or boxes to be checked. Dating is fluid and flows with our own wants and desires. A perfect dating record is impossible, and striving for it could be the thing that’s keeping us from finding the one we’re looking for.

A game of What If in dating is tricky, but WHAT IF they think your text is funny? WHAT IF you have a great sexual time together and set up a dinner date to follow? WHAT IF they don’t… then we’ve dodged a bullet and are free to head to the next adventure without the regret that we never made THAT move. There are no mistakes when you date of your own accord. Those “wrong” decisions may be the right ones. Doing the wrong thing can open up more authentic moments with the new prospect or another who understands our SpongeBob sans explanation.

 Don’t overthink it. Do the “wrong” thing.