The “New” Dating Pedometer

The evolution of touch in relationships is a complex journey. When to touch, how to touch, how long to touch are all factors we figure out ourselves. We connect touch to feelings or confidence and each level of touch is determined by someone’s love language. Knowing if another speaks your language is the hardest part. And it’s not always the quickest to uncover. 

It begins on the first date. Given no religious or belief factors are involved. The first interaction is always scary. Should I hug them? Is it a handshake? A gentle nod? Do I kiss them on the cheek? Best to leave it to the end of the date.

The first touch per se sets the tone for the date. Not saying a hug, in the beginning, is the deciding factor. It depends on each person’s comfort level, but each level must balance the scale of the other. As the first date develops and the drinks flow, that subtle touch of a shoulder triggers the physical connection layer. A date can be a good chat. Yet, the absence of desire to touch knees under the table may show a lack of physical interest from either party. 

Each date varies, and so does touching. Sexual touch aside, the subtle, almost childish, forms of touch show the ques of vulnerability and the readiness to further any type of relationship. The desire to hold someone’s hand, touch their shoulder, or stroke their arm is telling signs that there is more to be uncovered beyond the bedsheets.

Love touches can start at any stage of the relationship. You may be lucky and have a spectacular first date filled with knee grazes. Touch may start after the first kiss. I find this form of touching develops independently of the sexual relationship. Touch is enduring and comforting, knowing the person across from you is interested. It eliminates, yet not entirely, the sense of limbo at least in the beginning.

It feels good to be touched. We are like dogs with less pure hearts. The element of touch gets dicey as two people grow closer. PDA remains a factor. What is each person’s comfort level for expressing touch in public? There is the addition of innocent snuggling. Do they come close to you on the couch? Unfortunately, the answers to these questions may alter the progression of a relationship. Serious or not.

Growing closure to someone may come to you through touch. Not receiving this type of physical validation may stint the relationship’s growth, at least for you. Knowing they are comfortable placing their hand on your thigh doesn’t just show their interest, but also is an invitation for you to open up. Light touching is the safety net.

How do we decide if the touch we’re receiving is enough? Everyone views non-sexual touching differently. For me, I look at how my body reacts to the person I’m on a date with. I am picky with who I love to touch, but if I’m lacking the desire to touch them, it makes me question my interest. Do I touch their arm as I’m telling an enthusiastic story? Have I leaned in closure so our legs can slightly touch under the table? These forms of touching may not seem much, but they are my way of guiding my own thoughts on a date. Forget about what the other person across the table is thinking. It doesn’t matter. Am I feeling an attraction?

The type and frequency of touch may change as different relationships progress. Your needs may develop. Rather, you are just hook-up buddies, friends with benefits, or in a relationship. Think about if you are receiving the type of non-sexual touch that makes you feel validated. Factor in if you feel comfortable enough to touch the other person without hesitation. Holding yourself back from touching someone in a way you want is frustrating. Despite how the other person touches you, it’s important to feel you can be yourself.

Don’t sacrifice your love language. Touching is a great tool to use to figure out where you stand in any relationship. After not being able to connect with someone by touch without hand sanitizer, touch is back as our undercover dating pedometer.

So go out there and touch!

Not feeling the attraction? Let them down easy with one of these easy-to-write rejection texts. Want to focus on yourself? Check out our self-love tips.