How to Balance Dating App Etiquette and Shooting Your Shot

Dating rules come to us in opinions and experience. There isn’t one bounded dating rule book that will make us pros. Each of us creates our own based on our wants, needs, personality, and dating goals. Dating is universal, yet we approach it as individuals. While there aren’t set rules, basic human kindness, and respect are embedded in our dating etiquette. They are unspoken rules of how to become a decent dater—a solid foundation to set us up for positive fulfillment in our dating lives.

Though unconsciously, we base our decisions on these unspoken etiquettes that feel most authentic to us and the dating goals we’ve set for ourselves. Yet dating is always evolving. There are constant challenges that propel us forward in our journey of self-discovery. What once was acceptable in the dating world can give us the ick, and vice versa. 

Thanks to a viral TikTok, another controversy has taken hold. This time about dating app etiquette… Is it socially acceptable to inquire on dating apps about someone’s hot friend in the group photo?

The comment section of the TikTok video challenged the basic dating app etiquette with an overwhelming answer of yes. Yes—shoot your shot and ask them if their friend is single. The statistics don’t lie with 87% of commenters claiming they have asked about a friend in a group photo or would, if so inclined. Leaving only 13% of commenters saying it is disrespectful to the owner of the dating profile. 

Our immediate thought to inquiring about someone other than the person who liked us is, well, no. Out of kindness and general respect, it seems the sensible decision is to accept our losses and move on. But the dating world is generating a hot take. Maybe asking about their friend isn’t as rude as one thought. We don’t owe people on dating apps anything after all. Or do we?

If you decide to shoot your shot…

According to the TikTok stats, inquiring about the friend in the group photo isn’t as foreign as we may think. A few have found success stories, others have found loopholes in the system, and many have tried yet failed in completing the pass. Though the success rate of inquiring is low, one can say they tried. You miss all the chances you don’t take, and this is one of them. 

In the instance you feel a strong desire that the friend might be your next great connection, then asking the app match about them is your best bet. We are all strangers on these apps and don’t owe each other anything other than human decency. We’re all looking for our next date and sometimes we must ask the questions we’re afraid to. The worst they can say is no… or unmatched you. It’s an app. We won’t run into them on the street… we hope. 

If you decide to not inquire… 

As much as the shooting your shoot and you only live once mantras sing proudly in our minds, we can’t help seeing the other person for what they are. A human with feelings. With a low success rate, it may not be worth hurting the profile owner’s self-esteem. Though only 13% of commenters, those who disagreed did so with stories of shaken self-confidence. Aka the ones who were asked about their friends in their profiles didn’t feel so hot afterward. A few took it a step further by removing group pictures from their profile entirely. 

The decision to not ask about the friend stands by the dating etiquette we’ve unconsciously learned. It is filled with sympathy for the other dater. Creating a dating app profile is vulnerable, despite its growing normalcy. Receiving one question like that can trigger questions about our looks and worthiness. But are we giving someone we don’t know that kind of power? Does it matter what the person we’ve never met before thinks of us?

So, to inquire or not to inquire? That is up to you. After much deliberation, the answer lies within our own subconscious. There’s no right or wrong. Just what makes us feel most proud of our decision. 

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