4 Tips for How to Start Journaling to Help Your Love Life

Our minds make it too easy to drift into the future of our potential relationships. Once our feelings for someone bubble inside us, the carbonation reaches our brains, spurting new ideas and thoughts. The excitement of someone new is one that should be felt. Allowing our hearts to flutter in the potential is important, but there’s a line of romance that we cross from time to time. The line from healthy thinking to over-romanticizing. 

Over-romanticizing is the killer of the present. Staying present in the moment of a budding connection is already hard without the pull of our imagination. Add our racing minds to the mix and we’ll quickly lose our footing.

So, what is over-romanticizing?

Over-romanticizing is the creation of false or futuristic scenarios in our minds about a person or situation with a specific person. When we over-romanticize, we write unspoken scripts of feelings said between us and the other person in a situation or place we have yet to be in with them. Our imagination serenades our hearts, taking us away from reality.

The effects of over-romanticizing are like overthinking. By doing both, we lose sight of what is real and create unnecessary expectations for ourselves, the other person, and the new relationship. When faced with a similar reality of our imaginations’ fictional love story, often disappointment seeps into the cracks we couldn’t predict. The disappointment takes the spark out of the present, real moment, leaving us with only the thing that didn’t or hasn’t happened yet.

A great tool to take back control of over-romanticizing minds is the act of journaling.

A simple yet daunting task. It’s difficult putting down our feelings on paper (or text). There’s a level of personal vulnerability we must connect to. To help alleviate the ominous side of journaling, we’ve pulled together four tips to help you stay present in relationships and avoid over-romanticizing.

1. You don’t need a physical journal to start.

   Technology is on our side… type your feeling in your notes app. It’s accessible anywhere we take out phones for the short and long thoughts of our self-conscious. PRO-TIP: Make a “Journal” folder in the app to keep the entries separate from the other random thoughts we write in there.

2. Journal about what ALREADY happened.

   Instead of focusing on what has yet to be true, reminisce on dates, conversations, or situations that you and your partner have shared. This allows you to process memories living in your head and promote more self-awareness of the different situations. You may learn something new about yourself or the relationship.

3. Start by simply writing “I am over-romanticizing about...”.

   Then let a stream of consciousness flow out of you. There are probably feelings that you didn’t know existed that are being hidden by the fictional story your imagination is feeding you. REMEMBER: No one is reading these but you. It doesn’t have to make sense to anyone else but you. Full sentences aren’t required.

4. Switch the narrative in your brain.

   The situations we over-romanticize are only reflections of things we want/desire in a relationship or person. Use the journal to write “I want in a partner…” or “I deserve a partner who…” Not only does this make you more aware of your own needs, but it also tells the universe what you want, so it can start turning the wheels in that direction (if you believe in the spirituality of it all). What’s meant for you will find you. Including romantic situations.

Journaling for the first time is never easy. Sometimes ripping off the Band-Aid is the best approach to seeing if the new habit will stick. The key thing to remember is journaling is for you. It is one of the purest acts of self-love. Write your own story, but start with the things you know. Over-romanticizing is common, and it is normal to let your imagination flow. Learning how to control it takes time. Controlling over-romantic thoughts is as important as allowing yourself the grace to master the lesson.  

Looking for more self-love tips? Click here!